Compatibility is hard to find.
You can connect with someone emotionally but not physically. You can connect with someone physically but not emotionally. And far too many people settle for a ridiculously small percentage of either.
Everyone has this ideal image of...well, what is ideal...but everyone's ideal is different.
So many people have this image of happily ever after: the big wedding, the quintessential nuclear family and a lifetime of smiles. Fuck Walt Disney and his unreal expectations. How many people do you know that really have that? When I think of the people I know, a disproportionate amount of them that are still in their first marriage, the one where they bought into all that fairytale crap, are pretty fucking miserable. And the ones who have escaped that antiquated notion and are now living their lives on their own terms are blossoming and happy.
Does this mean I think everyone should run out an' get themselves a dayvorce?
NO!
I think that we need to stop forcing IDEAL down everyone's throat.
The stereotypical American ideal: marriage with two kids, a house in the burbs and dog, and family dinner at Applebee's followed by mediocre sex once a week. You're laughing because it sounds so stereotypical and bland, but look around you. I know people living this life, and bless their little hearts, for some of them, it seems to be working. But here's where it gets complicated...maybe it's working for them, but how about their partners? Compatibility...it's a bitch.
While you are happy as a pig in shit with your 80's sitcom life, your partner is clawing at the walls to escape, to have sex more than once a week, to do something different...to find their own ideal.
Everyone's ideal is different. A friend and I were discussing a mutual acquaintance whom he felt badly for, because he sees her on a downward spiral. I told him that the beauty of rock bottom is you can only go up. He asked when she would hit bottom, I replied, it's different for everyone. Maybe her ideal isn't sobriety. Maybe her ideal is passed out on the bathroom floor with a bottle beside her. Why do we assume everyone is the same?
Every path to enlightenment involves a journey...and every journey is different. Some involve deep meditation, some involve intensive therapy, I opted for wrapping my vagina around everything I could. But at the tail end of that journey, I found PSD, a man who accepted me for what I am and has the same hopes for the future as me. He doesn't expect me to be anymore than I want to be and I feel the same about him. I am exactly what you see, unapologetically me.
Just the other day I got a call from my best friend's estranged girlfriend. She is going through a tough divorce, she and my BFF have essentially called it quits. I listened to her telling me how she isn't ready to date yet but how she's holding out hope that she and my BFF will still make it work...once he gets his life in order (he's a hippie, he comes and goes), once he gets a good stable job, once he blah blah blah blah... And as I was listening, I realized they would NEVER make it work, because they have such different ideals. She is just assigning all the typical ideals from her first marriage (house in the burbs, btw...two kids...no dog, she's allergic) to him. He is not meant for that world, I don't care how much they love one another, it is destined for failure. She loves him but she doesn't understand him. She just assumes that if he loves her, he will want all that for himself, because that's what normal people do.
Evidently normal people fool themselves into believing they are lemmings and plug along until their miserable deaths.
Fuck being normal, I'll stick with being ideal.
"...I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours." ~Clementine Kruczynski
At least we didn't disappoint the creators of Adult Friend Finder, we used it for its intended purpose: we met, we hooked up...but then we fell in love, moved in together...and then on November 27, 2010, PSD proposed to me.