Sunday, December 27, 2009

New Toy

My sister and I recently hosted a Passion Party. Oddly enough, our friends are as nuts as we are, especially when we feed them booze. All in all, it was a great night. I got to hang out with my mother and discuss G-spots with her. I also got to rub some tingly cream on my friend's clit and then we all took turns hitting one another with riding crops and paddles. Of course, we waited until my mother had left for that, she's not THAT liberal and I'm not THAT twisted.

Our representative said most of her parties' orders total $300-$400; our party's orders totaled $800+ before she left. And we got additional orders. We rock.

PSD likes incorporating toys in our sex life, so I had an idea of what I wanted to get us. A friend, years ago, had this cool contraption. I had seen it in the catalog at another party and decided it must be mine (and his). Our order came in last Thursday, Christmas Eve, just in time for our kid-free weekend. Being Jewish, we had nothing to open Christmas morning...except our new toy. Like the perverted children we are, we couldn't wait to rip the package open.

Let me take a moment to explain the Dark Knight (that's actually the name) to you. The description from their website says: Your superhero. Simultaneous scrotum, erection and clitoral stimulation. Multi-speed. Waterproof. Removable bullet. Three watch size batteries included. The bullet goes through the top so the whole thing vibrates. He slips it on like a cock ring, then pulls the second loop back over his balls. The top protrusion rubs your clit while that tiny one tickles your asshole.

He slipped it over his cock and started fucking me. At one point he asked me how it felt, I believe I moaned and smacked his ass. We did notice that it was even juicier than usual down there, indicating that my pussy was enjoying it, too. The protrusion was not enough to make me cum, but it got me close enough one quick flick of my wrist took care of it.

Our review: we like our new toy.

Later that afternoon I was in the shower and PSD was in the bathroom talking to me. That was when he told me that he hadn't used the ball holster (what else would you call it?) when we used it earlier. He became determined to use it as its fine creators intended, so he attempted it again. This time he was successful and told me, "Let's go...right now!" I barely had time to dry myself off, let alone get myself revved up. Is it weird that so many times in my life I have said, "Thank goodness for Astroglide" to myself?

His review: it wasn't that much different, even with the ball sling.

Amusing anecdote: as soon as he emptied those balls, it slipped right off and smacked me in the ass.

*sweeping the cobwebs up*

It's been awhile, I know.

In my last post, I had written about Preschool Dad. Fast forward ten months and we are still dating. Dating plus spending pretty much every waking moment together and most of our sleeping moments, too. I've been lazy, but in my defense, I have been very busy being happy and having a lot of extremely satisfying sex. Just being happy is a HUGE task, so don't judge me too harshly.

Most of my posts (had I written any) the past ten months would have nauseated you anyway. They would have had titles like "How PSD Told Me 'I Love You'" and "Fyre and PSD on Vacation!" I spared you readers the agony of retching while reading sweet tales of birthday surprises and mushy pillow talk.

So now I must rededicate this blog to my relationship. Yes, I said took me many many many months to admit that is what this is. It will be damn near impossible to dedicate it to the usual topics as his is the only cock I'm getting (and I am not complaining). Unless you have an IQ under 25 or are tripping on serious amounts of acid, blank pink blog pages are no fun at all.

Having said that, I'm still me. I promise not to make it a blog full of posts titled "My Heart is So Full of Love Today" but rather "My Ass is So Sore Today!" Let's face it, PSD loves me, so he doesn't mind me sharing the really personal stuff...I think.

He read the blog before he fell in love, so he was warned.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Odd and Random Coincidence

Whilst running through my myriad of AFF messages several weeks back, I came across a rather amusing message. The guy just had a dorky sense of humor, even in the first, opening e-mail. We all know how I love that. I wrote back and the e-mail exchange began.

Before long we were chatting online, then on the telephone. I knew he was also a single parent of a young child, living not too far from me. Because of this, I felt more comfortable than usual talking about my daughter. I mentioned something they were learning about in school, and he commented that his son was learning the same thing. Maybe it's a rather standard preschool curriculum, I thought.

Later in the conversation he made another comment that made me wonder about the coincidence. I asked him where his ex-wife lived, assuming his son went to school near there. He told me there was a great preschool down the street. I know, I told him, because that's where I used to live and where my daughter goes to school, also.

Odd and random. Good thing we hit it off when we met in person a few weeks ago.

Although we haven't run into one another at drop-off or pick-up (I am usually running late in the morning and I work later than he does in the evenings), there was a big school event the morning after I spent the night the first time. My legs still a bit weak, I rushed out the door to meet my family and head down there, just to run into him before we even found our seats. Maybe at the next school event, I will dare to sneak a kiss.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Floating off to Nowhere Land

If I had to describe myself, I would say that I am like a Mylar balloon, filled with helium. A balloon is shiny and pretty and makes people happy. As long as it is tethered to something concrete, it is free to float around happily and make people smile.

But once it comes loose, it has no control over its actions and could easily float off into Nowhere Land.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

25 Personal Things

I did the "25 Random Things" on Facebook, but thought a more personal list would be a better fit here. You guys already know too much about me, so what's the difference if you learn a few more of my quirks?
  1. I lost my virginity at 14. People seem astounded when I tell them that, but I never felt that I started too young or before I could handle the responsibility that came with being sexually active. However, when I see 14 year olds now, they look like children.
  2. I know I am pretty but I don't think I am pretty. I am a very confident girl, yet a bundle of neurotic contradictions.
  3. My sexual drive positively governs my moods. It has been this way for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to change it.
  4. When I want something, or someone, I will move heaven and earth to get it, even if it's bad for me; this is usually the case.
  5. I don't understand people who are not that passionate. I have had my heart broken a few times because of this.
  6. I don't swallow. Don't even ask. You will never talk me into it.
  7. No one in the world appreciates my breasts as much as I do. I touch them constantly.
  8. I have fallen in love more times than I can count. I have never fallen out of love. If you were ever inducted into my heart, you are still there, you will be forever. (This includes my ex-husband)
  9. Someday, I want another baby.
  10. Since the birth of my daughter, I have kept myself in good shape. But now I fear that I have done irreparable damage to my figure in the last few months.
  11. I like anal sex.
  12. Finally, I accept that I can never have a traditional monogamous relationship.
  13. Now that I know this, I am terrified I will never find someone who can accept me for who and what I am.
  14. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have more good lovers than bad ones.
  15. I loved my husband, I loved our life. It frightens me how easily I was able to adapt to being single again after spending half my life with someone. See #12.
  16. Although I love kissing girls and touching girls, I don't love pussy. I consider myself an above-the-waist bisexual.
  17. After my separation, I got involved in an emotionally detrimental relationship with a married man. Aside from this, you will never find a mention of our relationship in my blog. I loved him, I respect his privacy.
  18. People always considered me to be quite open, because I talk a lot and share personal little anecdotes about my life easily. It was enough to distract people from the fact that I never shared anything of substance.
  19. One of my friends, someone who I love dearly, also does this...AND IT FUCKING DRIVES ME NUTS.
  20. When I was younger, I had so much unprotected sex that I am still in amazement that I made it through unscathed and healthy. I am now the Condom Nazi; I never even leave the house without them.
  21. I have fucked on the first date. I don't believe in waiting past the third though. Second date is usually my sweet spot.
  22. Compliments make me uncomfortable. VERY uncomfortable. I believe this comes from...
  23. I spent half my life with someone who vacillated between ignoring me and blatantly disrespecting me.
  24. When I am incredibly turned on, my brain ceases to function. As Clothespin has told me more than once, I literally get my brains fucked out.
  25. I masturbate a lot. More than a lot. I love myself more than anyone else ever will. :)

Friday, January 30, 2009

Being "single" on Facebook

I recently changed my relationship status to "Single" and now the ads alongside my Facebook page have all changed with it. Now I get ads for, and JDate. No thanks to all three.

If they are going to capitalize on my single status by blasting me with this crap, I want to see the ads to the good places, to the dirtier sites. Show me ads to real hookup sites...and make them JUICY! I don't want to yawn, or worse, cringe in horror, when I see these ads. I want to look over and say to myself, "He's single? How do I contact him?" or even better, "How do I get to take a ride on THAT thing?"

Not everyone who is single is looking for a happily ever after. Not everyone wants to find their perfect someone and fuck up a fantastic dating streak.

I'm going to my room to be my own perfect someone for a while.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

In a funk

I don't know if it's aggravation or just a general feeling of malaise, but I don't have the patience for people right now. I am not even attempting to be polite to people on these silly sites. If your profile or message rubs me the wrong way at all, you get banned for life from contacting me.

If this mood lasts much longer, I should have maybe 7 or 8 eligible men left on AFF that are even allowed to contact me. That should make managing my e-mail a little easier.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Love and Loss

I still believe in love. I would rather love a thousand times and get it wrong, than live without it in my life. But I am a practical girl; Love does not conquer all. Love barely even fixes things. It usually fucks them up pretty badly.

I have loved and lost and loved again and lost some more. I am strong enough to own my feelings and deal with them and move on. If only other people had as much faith in my ability to deal with my feelings. I don’t ask for much, just honesty and directness. If you don’t feel the same, it’s my problem, not yours.

Recently, I made the very human folly of falling for someone I was involved with. Our relationship was based mainly on a great friendship and mind-blowing sex. But I broke the rules and fell for him. When I asked him how he felt about me, he told me we should both move on. He decided we should be “just friends.” The thing is, we were already great friends…and still are now. I didn’t need our relationship to change, just my expectations of it. I needed to know just so I could own my feelings, deal with them and carry on. Now I have a dear friend who won’t fuck me. I wouldn’t trade this particular friendship for anything in the world, even the mind-blowing sex, but if he had had just a little bit of faith in my ability to compartmentalize my emotions, I wouldn’t have had to give up the rest of it.

So now I wonder, am I being punished for my mistake of falling for someone who warned me he wasn’t looking for a relationship or simply because I have a big mouth and believe in being direct?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lets meet tonight :)

I will arrived last night and leaving tomorrow and looking for fun tonight!!

I am staying in the **** Marriott.and would love to meet a sexy intelligent lady for dinner, cocktails and if we hit it off….wild sexy times in my hotel?

I am a highly educated professional that needs to be discreet...but I still do have a fun wild side to me!!

If interested I can send more info and pics for sure.

Ps… ****4rick at you know what dot cum is easiest for me if you can?

Take care
Profile says he's married and there is no photo on his profile, nor was one attached to the e-mail. How can I even decide I am not interested without seeing how gross he really is?

My response:
Oh, because intelligent women always meet strangers without even having a conversation first? And discriminating woman meet men without ever seeing a photo of them?
No thanks.

Hard up -- Is that a bad thing?

I swear, that is the tagline that prefaces the profile that features this photo:

Does that cock look hard up to you?

Oh, and it gets better...he features three other limp cock photos taken outdoors.

What's that?

You want to see?

Evidently, he's a tree lover.
I love an environmentally conscious man.

Friday, January 9, 2009

First post of 2009!

I wish I had something more interesting to report.

I wake up and this is the first message I see...

The DarkLrd: you look familiar. Have we ever met before?
I (refrain from responding): No, because I am young, hot and interesting. Clearly, we have nothing in common.

Give me a little while to drink my coffee and I might just send it.