Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What really happened to my appendix

In the beginning, I was pretty specific and strict about my age requirements. We all know I have dropped that little piece of neurotic baggage now. I have an ad on ALT.com and they filter e-mails from people who do not quite fit your specifications. Every now and then I check in there to see if I missed anything interesting...or funny. There was an email in there from a male who is 44 years old. Without reading the profile, I simply sent the "Thanks, looking for someone younger" automated reply.

I soon got a reply back asking how much younger. I didn't have a good answer since my rules are quite flexible (*cough* 23) and I have a tendency to break them more than anyone else I know. Double click, check his profile. Turns out he is a co-Dom with a female and they always work together. Now this is interesting.

I wrote back to him and soon we began chatting via IM. He was very reassuring about how long he has been doing this, about respecting certain limits (still suffering from Husband-Trying-to-Kill-Me Traumatic Syndrome) and allowing my friends in the lifestyle to contact him or check out his history. He had me chat with her, both on the phone and online and we quickly became very friendly.

Fast forward: we meet for a play-date and they are very good at what they do. They were just as they portrayed themselves, plus they were safe and I enjoyed their company.

Fast forward a couple more days: I am out to dinner with my sister and we are having a good time. We eat, we drink, we eat some more and then for funsies, we drink some more. A couple of hours later I am sick to my stomach, in more pain than I can almost stand. By morning, I am Googling my symptoms and coming up with appendicitis over and over again. We go to the ER, they run all the tests and after hours or testing tell me it's appendicitis, which is what I told them when I walked into the ER. They explain that my appendix appears to have been infected but encapsulated for a long time. This was consistent with random pains I have had for years. Somehow it tore open and began leaking into my body. They ask if I have been in a car accident lately. Now, I was with my parents, who might assume I slept with Mr. Brady Bunch but certainly don't know I had kinky, rough sex with a couple I met online in a sleazy hotel room less than 72 hours before. So I just shake my head and explain that I had lifted some heavy boxes the day before. Again the doctor describes the jarring motion, like a rocking back and forth, that could have caused this. Again, I feign ignorance, and eventually they just remove the stupid appendix and life goes on.

When I tell the couple, he says it's probably just a crazy coincidence. I explain what they told me in the ER and that I think it's one hell of a funny story because something would have caused it eventually. I think he was worried I either blamed him or would be hesitant to see them again since I ended up having surgery from the first time I had sex with them. Then I reminded him that you only have one appendix, so it's all good.

Yes, I have seen them since; and no, I did not end up in the ER this time.

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