Friday, September 5, 2008

The Brady Bunch is a work of know that, right?

Before I go any further, this post is not to demean or make fun of Mr. Brady Bunch in any way. He is an incredibly nice guy, with a heart of gold, who got a raw deal. I am writing this to a) share my experience, as is the point of this blog and b) to show how the best intentions can go horribly wrong when two people are looking for different things from one another.

A few weeks after I got back on my horse, I met an old girlfriend from school for Happy Hour. We're busy catching one another up on our lives and the various people we talk to from school. She asks if I remember Mr. Brady Bunch. Of course, I do. Well, Mr. Brady Bunch is also going through a divorce and has a daughter the same age as mine, maybe she should re-introduce us. Sure thing, sign me up.

The next week the three of us meet for dinner. Our stories are relatively similar in that our relationship/marriages were long term (since college) and ended within the last few months. We're having a wonderful time catching up, flirting, watching the All Star Game and drinking. Good times! At some point she leaves, and he and I stay out way past our bedtimes just talking (I swear, just talking) and catching up.

We talk on the phone the next few nights. He's not the best conversationalist on the phone, but a lot of people are not...and I can talk enough for two. It's no secret that once I get a little warmed up, my engine hits full throttle right away, so the casual flirting turns to sex talk pretty soon. He seems a little shocked by my openness, but not in a bad way. I explain that I am not looking for a relationship, simply some good times with someone I can trust and that is not a one night stand. Surprisingly, he's looking for the exact same thing.

We make plans to hang out that weekend. He decides to turn it into a barbecue at his house, and invites me to bring my daughter to play with his. His house is in the middle of nowhere, and he graciously offers us the guest room so we don't have to drive home from nowhere in the dark. The girls hit it off, we have a nice time and we even remain incredibly well behaved until they fall asleep. The second they fall asleep, the clothes are off and we are in bed. A wonderful time is had by all.

The next morning, I am packing up our stuff to leave and he asks me to hang out at his house while he's working so he can see me later. This should have been a glaring red flag to me, but I was sleep-deprived. I explain that I have things to do at home and was leaving but I would talk to him later. He pouted.

We're talking on the phone and we get to the safe sex talk. I suggest a full disclosure when with other people policy and he says, "I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone else." RED FLAG! I say, "I'm sorry, sport, but I can't promise you the same thing." At this point I am pretty sure he's disappointed, but I am just starting out my single life and am not changing my plans for him.

Over the next couple of weeks, we talk on the phone and it becomes apparent to me we do not have much in common. He loves sports, I mean really loves them. I enjoy watching a game every now and then, but I do not live for them. He doesn't read books or watch the same kinds of movies as me. I don't want a relationship; he refers to the four of us as the Brady Bunch and thinks it's adorable. He's becoming quite clingy now and I feel bad. His wife broke his heart and I don't want to be the one who hurts him again. Way to get myself into a predicament.

I go through an emotional upheaval of my own and have to cancel plans on him two nights in a row. I try to explain that I just need to be alone. He contacts the friend that set us up because he's concerned. She explains that I am a fiercely independent girl and can take care of myself. He texts me that he's here if I need to talk, I thank him. Twenty minutes later I get another text asking if I am ready to talk yet. Half an hour after that, he asks again. Even if I had been ready to talk, I would be calling my sister or one of my best friends, not someone I just basically met.

We see one another at a social function, it's awkward. He's hurt I won't come home with him and it pisses me off. The next day I call him and explain that I think we are looking for different things. He's a great guy but he wants more from me than I have to give. He tells me he understands and doesn't want to push a relationship on me. I know he doesn't really understand, but I give him another chance.

A couple of nights later we meet for dinner and some drinks. We're at a Chili's and baseball is on. Remember, the first night we "met" the All Star Game was on, and I mentioned that I liked (liked, not loved) baseball and was a Yankees girl. Since all he really knows how to talk about is sports, he starts talking to me about the baseball game. I try talking about politics, he brings up baseball. Chili's is two-for-ones on the margaritas and I start drinking them two-fisted. After a few rounds he suggests going back to the house, I agree. I know right now you are reading this and shaking your head, because you already know I fucked him. He asked me to spend the night, but I had to work the next day and I didn't want to, so he brought me back to Chili's to get my car. Remember, before I slept with him this time, we had the whole "relationship" talk and he agreed with me. Sure enough, the next day we are talking on the phone and he is going to make room in some of his drawers for me. What? I believe what I actually said was, "Why? Do you think I am going to be storing some fucking Tupperware at your house?"

I left for a family vacation and he wrote to me via e-mail. I tried to keep it friendly but distant while I was gone. Casual e-mails here and there, nothing more. When I got home he invited me to a concert. Against my better judgment I agreed to go. The concert was on a weeknight, near my office and we both live far north of there. Common sense would say that I meet him at the concert. He tried to figure out any way he could to get us into one car and going together, but I refused to budge. Several friends told me I should not have accepted the invitation, and they are probably correct.

So what ended up happening? Fate stepped in. I ended up in the ER needing emergency surgery the day before the concert. And just in case that wasn't enough, Tropical Storm Fay came gunning for us in South Florida. The concert was rescheduled.

That was almost 3 weeks ago. He checked on me via e-mail a few times. Just yesterday I politely declined an invitation to come to his house this weekend to watch the myriad of football games that will be on. I have learned my lesson.

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