Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Freak Flag

Why do people cheat?

For sex...yes.
For affection...yes.
To feel desired...yes.

Why do people need those things outside the confines of their relationship?
My guess would be that the relationship is lacking them somehow.

It's not a blame thing...it's not an exoneration thing...it's just a fact.
Some people are just not meant to be together.

I cheated for a number of reasons. My ex was the first man I ever let my Freak Flag fly with, but once we got married it was all "You're my wife now, I can't do that with you." No one likes a limp Freak Flag drooping in the wind, a Freak Flag is meant to fly.

Affair sex is free and exciting. You can do whatever you want, because who's going to judge you? The other unhappily married person in the room who is currently balls deep inside you? Probably not because (a) that would be slightly hypocritical and (b) then you probably won't be rushing to meet him at the local La Quinta Inn on your lunch break for much longer.

But affairs are complicated, and unless you end up in a long-term extramarital relationship, the sex is never fulfilling enough. It's like a drug - you're always chasing that high.

What's the point, Fyre?

I'm getting there...chill baby baby chill...

Some people are never meant to be monogamous, this is true. They will never be happy in a traditional monogamous relationship, they will always cheat...which goes back to my earlier point about some people not meaning to be together.

But some of us are great in the right relationship.
Some of us thrive in the right relationship.

My Freak Flag has found a permanent home and he planted his right next to mine. I am not lacking affection and sex. I am having affair sex in my marriage, which is the best possible combination for me.


Friday, August 22, 2014

Day 6: Sex Facts

In honor of Day 6, here are 6 facts about sex:

  • Spouses may have similar DNA 
  • Watching rom-coms may help strengthen marriage 
  • Women can make their voice "sexier," but men can't 
  • You’re less likely to get grossed out when aroused (thank goodness) 
  • Love is good for your bones (I know one "bone" it's great for!) 
  • Old people do it, too (oh GAWD, am I considered old now???) 
Read more here.

30 Days of Intimacy Recap (with lots of GIFs)

We began August 1 and had a great run until I got sick...then he went away for business and it was all over...

So we began again this week.

And overall it's been a great week.

Because sex makes people happy.

And we are both happier than usual. So I asked him if he thinks this has been a positive experience...

And then I was all...

And so now I need to go take a shower.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Day 3: Why I Smile

I climb into bed, exhausted and ready to play Angry Birds until I pass out...but Mr. Swinging Dick has a different plan for me.

*cue the sex music on Pandora*
(yes, we have a sex music channel on Pandora)

And I'm all:

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Starting Over: Day 2

My challenge, my rules.

Day 2 was full of flirty instant messages:
Him: What's the plan for tonight?
Me: More of the sex, please.

I know how to talk dirty to him.

You know how when you roll into bed at the end of the night and you are so tired you cannot even think about anything at all but you still kiss your lover and you both smile and next thing you know you're both naked and there's lube everywhere and you're having sex? That.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Day 6 through a fucking (non-fucking) eternity...

Day 6: still sick
Day 7: still sick
Day 8: still sick and irrationally angry about something - I swear it was the fever speaking
Day 9: fuck if I even remember if we did anything...
Day 10: he left for NYC

He comes back from NYC, we get one good rogerin' in and I get my period.

*throws hands in air*

Fast forward to yesterday, which would have been day 17 if he had not gone away (circumstances out of my control!) but which we shall now and forever more refer to as Day One Redo...

At the risk of sounding hopelessly sappy...every time we finally do it after even just a few days of not doing it, it's so good. I don't know if my vajayjay is just so happy to see him or what, but it's OMGasmic. And that was last night...

This morning he gets up for work, I continue to lie in the bed like the lazy ass that I am. I guess my nightgown had accidentally (totally on purpose) ridden up, exposing my derrière...which he usually cannot resist. Usually/always - we are spending forever together, does it matter?

He comes back into the room, rolls me over gently and grabs the lube. It's been awhile - like before I got pregnant - so it's a little snug. He fumbles a bit and I suggest a different angle. He replies with a grunt and more lube.

"I don't think more lube is the answer. It's a question of angle."

I get another grunt and more lube...but he does switch the angle...AND WE HAVE ACHIEVED PENETRATION!

Every one of my orifices is greedy, I admit it. Once it's in, I want it all the way in.

"Deeper. HARDER!" I urge.

I always orgasm hard and fast from anal sex, so it never lasts long, and today was no exception...but any Monday morning that begins with sex is a winner. A Monday morning that begins with anal sex is special.

Why does anal sex lead to more orgasms? I Googled that for you, dear readers:
Why Do Women Who Have Anal Sex Get More Orgasms?

Bonus content: I will be terrified to fart for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Day 5: Fucking germs

By the time he got home last night, I had been infected by whatever my sick kids brought home.

I wasn't going to risk his health by making out with him, so we cuddled and talked about our day. It was nice and we got our intimacy in, just us shutting out the world for a little while...I just wish we hadn't wasted National Underwear Day like that...

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

10 Habits of SMUG happy couples...

I read this article:
The 10 Habits Of Happy Couples As Told By A Psychiatrist. #7 Is A Must Do For Everyone.

And OhEmGee you guys, we do all of them.

Obviously they are no-brainers...but here's the thing, my ex and I spent 17 years failing at 3-8. He was so bad about the mistrust thing, when I would tell him I loved him, he would ask why I was saying it. 
And let's not even talk about his awesome ability to always walk a quarter mile ahead of me.
Even on date night.

But back to now...
#1 is so vital to a healthy sex life: Go to bed at the same time.

Think about it. 
He is downstairs watching The Walking Dead and you are upstairs reading Gone Girl...there is no chance of spontaneous sex happening. 

But if you are both upstairs watching TV or reading together, he may accidentally brush your leg with his foot or put an arm around you...and you're halfway to spontaneous sex (at least I am). As I am fond of saying: It's not easy being so easy.

Being in a mutually satisfying relationship takes some work, but this list is a great start. Anything else you guys would add?

Day 4: Against all odds

Last night, night four, seemed hopeless. I was home with one sick kid all day...then the daycare called because the baby had a fever. I fed everyone soup, bathed everyone and finally fell into bed...exhausted.

We started kissing.

Me: How will we know if it's been fifteen minutes?
Him: I think it's more important we set the time aside for intimacy then time ourselves, right?
Me: I guess.
Him: *witty retort*
Me: Stop it, or I am just going to end up laughing for fifteen minutes.
Him: Isn't laughing together in bed intimate?
Me: I guess so...
Him: *nibbles my ear*
Me: Uunnnnggghhhhhhhmmmmm... (totally paraphrasing here)

It's a good thing I had put on the fresh, lacy panties before I came to bed...just in case.

I think we are really staring to get the point of this challenge. By setting aside a few minutes for ourselves and our relationship every day, we are spending more time than ever laughing together...and all the fucking is a nice bonus.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Day 3: Two-fer

Now this is getting good!

Typical Sunday morning, lazing around the room. PSD was in the bathroom doing his thing. I was laying facedown on the bed in my underwear.

I am sure you can see where this is going, although I did not until it was buried inside me....

Anyone who tells you that kids are the end of your sex life is not doing it correctly. Our baby never sleeps through the night, she wakes up by 7 every morning and we still manage (outside of this challenge) to do it at least twice a week most weeks. Just make a concerted effort to not let having a baby be an obstacle, and it won't be. Each Baby Einstein video is 30 minutes long...that is half an hour to have some fun.

So, although a quickie from behind technically counts as our intimate act of the day, once we climbed into bed his hands started wandering.

Me: What are you doing?
Him: Pleasuring my woman.
Me: I thought you were too tired.
Him: I am, I am actually asleep...except for my hand.
Me: But you don't have the energy to finish the job.
Him: My hand does. do you want it to stop?
Me: Uhhhhh...no?
*some shifting around*
Me: Your other hand is awake now.
*heavy breathing*
Me: You know what would be even better? If your cock was awake.
Him: Maybe it could be...
*insert insertion here*

And there you have it: TWO-FER!
Sometimes all you have to do is ask!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Day 2: We're troopers

Last night was amazing, as I may have mentioned. After a reasonable night's sleep (we do have a baby) we woke up bright and early to do a 5K. Between the rain and the interminable steam bath that followed it, we were spent by the time we got home. Sweaty and spent.

After a shower, we put the baby down for a long nap and did what any people would do in our situation: got ridiculously stoned and fucked.

I honesty believe that if every person in the world experienced stoned sex at least once, there would be almost no backlash against marijuana.

Even kissing is a transcendental experience when you're stoned...and kissing the right person. Plus, best nap ever afterward.

This is going to be a fun month.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Day 1: Seduction

Someone broke out all the stops.
I came out of the bathroom to music playing and a naked husband.

*insert va-va-voom music*

We always have good sex. It's not always mind-blowing but it's always good. If you think "Well duh, all sex is good," consider yourself lucky that you have never had not-good sex.

Well tonight was mind-blowing sex. Totally amazing, mind-blowing, I'm so glad we instigated this challenge sex.

Onward to the next 29 days!


Yeah yeah, I know.

So we initiated our own challenge (we never get sick of these): Thirty Days of Intimacy

We are going to set aside at least 15 minutes a day for an intimate act; the goal is intercourse, of course of course...but we understand some days we may to settle for making out or an old-fashioned hand job.

It begins tonight.