Girl Talk

Some excerpts from a recent marathon IM conversation with one of my favorite girlies.
Enjoy!

Her (1:22:17 PM): so i need some advice from the sex queen
Me (1:23:15 PM): LOL
Her (1:23:21 PM): no seriously
Me (1:23:23 PM): do I get a crown?
Me (1:23:27 PM): a giant cockring?
Her (1:23:28 PM): hahaha! YES!
Her (1:23:36 PM): I will make you a cockring and condom crown

Her (1:24:42 PM): we were having sex, whatever...kinda vanilla
Her (1:24:57 PM): so i stopped him and i was like "uh, what's going on?
why aren't you into this?"
Her (1:25:20 PM): mind you, we've talked plenty of times about what we
like in bed and that both of us like it pretty rough
Her (1:26:01 PM): so he goes - "I just dont want to hurt you and i just
thought..."
Her (1:26:12 PM): so i did what any self-respecting borderline S&M girl
would do
Her (1:26:15 PM): smacked him
Me (1:26:20 PM): awesome
Her (1:27:38 PM): but we talked last night and a couple things came out
Me (1:27:53 PM): OK
Her (1:27:55 PM): He really likes me and he's afraid he will scare
me off if he goes that one tick too far
Me (1:28:06 PM): that's what safe words are for
Her (1:29:38 PM): we have messed around before and left him bleeding
so i dont know why he thinks im not into it
Me (1:29:57 PM): wait, stop
Me (1:30:04 PM): bleeding?
Me (1:30:14 PM): this man needs shin guards and a cup to have sex
with you

Me (1:32:20 PM): ...if he's a dirty bird
Me (1:32:25 PM): and you are a dirty bird
Me (1:32:27 PM): you're a fit
Me (1:32:36 PM): so he'll be happy and want you to meet his mom anyway
Me (1:32:39 PM): that's love

Me (1:32:57 PM): our conversations should have an anonymous blog
all their own

Her (1:32:59 PM): he's been afraid of taking it to that next level
because
Her (1:33:02 PM): and i quote
Her (1:33:07 PM): NO SHIT
Her (1:33:09 PM): HAHAHA
Her (1:34:29 PM): "im always afraid of taking a relationship to the
next level because, if i really like a girl and the sex isn't viable, it's
like 'ok-friend zone you go'. But you're different and i love how innocent
and close we are and how our relationship is based on friendship and all
things that make us so amazing together that i dont want the sex to be bad
and overshadow"
Her (1:34:38 PM): I was like "WHAT. THE. FUCK."
Me (1:39:06 PM): I so understand what he means
Me (1:39:23 PM): that's why I never waited past the 3rd date to
fuck someone
Me (1:39:42 PM): so I couldn't get emotionally attached in case the
sex sucked

Her (1:36:12 PM): i kinda wanna do something to make him get the
message that his dick is there for my entertainment
Me (1:40:20 PM): tie his dumb ass up
Me (1:40:50 PM): then, simply get him hard and use him
Me (1:40:54 PM): several times
Her (1:41:01 PM): HAHAHAHA
Me (1:41:11 PM): no guy won't be in love after that
Me (1:41:20 PM): and he'll get the whole "for my amusement" thing

Her (2:01:20 PM): hm, can you think of anything else i could do?
Me (2:02:13 PM): in all seriousness, no
Me (2:02:19 PM): if you have had the talk
Me (2:02:30 PM): all that's left to do is act
Me (2:02:49 PM): and that's the most direct way to get across what
you need to without anyone taking it the wrong way
Me (2:03:01 PM): their egos are more fragile than their sacks
Me (2:03:33 PM): so you have to make sure he's getting something
good (fucked) out of it
Me (2:03:38 PM): or else his ego will be shattered
Me (2:03:43 PM): and he'll retreat more
Her (2:05:00 PM): he needs to understand he doesnt have to treat me
with kid gloves and its ok to smack me around a bit
Her (2:05:06 PM): i need to get him drunk

Her (2:36:38 PM): he had just broken up with someone who wrecked his
heart, so he has a lot of hang ups and can't seem to get out of his own head
Me (2:39:29 PM): so you know this, because you are his friend
Me (2:39:36 PM): it's not some guy you met on plentyoffish.com
Me (2:39:40 PM): so you have two options
Me (2:39:58 PM): I know you don't want to be the transitional girl
Me (2:40:07 PM): the one he uses to get over her
Me (2:40:11 PM): and he doesn't want you to be
Me (2:40:19 PM): which is why he's being such a wuss
Me (2:40:34 PM): so you have to be understanding and be his friend
Me (2:40:37 PM): and get him through this
Me (2:40:42 PM): without being a doormat
Her (2:40:50 PM): true story
Me (2:40:53 PM): yup
Her (2:40:57 PM): and i do that with restraints
Me (2:41:00 PM): exactly
Her (2:41:02 PM): possibly some smacking
Me (2:41:04 PM): god, I love you

Her (2:45:42 PM): i told him all i want for christmas are his balls and
a riding crop
Me (2:46:13 PM): that's hot
Me (2:46:21 PM): a riding crop with a bell on it

Her (3:30:26 PM): and i see him holding back that last little bit and
it worries me that i may never see that side..which translates in the
bedroom
Her (3:33:20 PM): i dont think the sex will get fixed until he can let
go completely
Her (3:33:25 PM): just stop fighting it
Her (3:33:32 PM): which will make me less apprehensive
Me (3:33:36 PM): you need to stop overthinking it
Her (3:33:37 PM): which will lead to awesome sex
Me (3:33:39 PM): and just show him
Her (3:33:49 PM):
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me (3:33:59 PM): are you screaming or seeing the light?
Her (3:34:32 PM): screaming
Her (3:34:40 PM): i literally saw my brain and uterus cramp up
Her (3:34:44 PM): simultaneously

Me (3:34:45 PM): Neuroses are contagious, like herpes.
Her (3:36:07 PM): HAHAHA
Me (3:36:28 PM): he acts a little weird
Me (3:36:31 PM): then you wonder why
Me (3:36:35 PM): then you overthink it
Me (3:36:49 PM): then he gets neurotic about what you're thinking
Me (3:36:58 PM): so he starts acting weirder
Me (3:37:07 PM): see where this is going?
Her (3:40:56 PM): i do
Her (3:41:09 PM): as cyclical as chlamydia between lovers
Me (3:41:22 PM): LOL
Me (3:41:25 PM): yes
Her (3:44:52 PM): and here what i was thinking was i need him to fuck
my brains to scrambled eggs so i didnt think that way anymore
Her (3:44:54 PM): my bad
Me (3:45:18 PM): you still need to tie him up and use him like a
human dildo
Me (3:45:26 PM): #totallywinwin
Her (3:47:46 PM): ok good
Me (3:48:28 PM): yeah, no...that was never OUT of the equation
Me (3:48:33 PM): we just moved up to his head for a while
Her (3:48:38 PM): damn
Me (3:48:38 PM): his groin needed a rest

Me (3:49:03 PM): the men that are worth it
Me (3:49:21 PM): actually have a teensy tiny little connection from
their brains to their balls
Me (3:49:46 PM): so we need to romance them mentally as part of the
seduction
Me (3:49:53 PM): not just show them our tits
Me (3:50:01 PM): that works for guys we've picked up in bars

Me (3:58:18 PM): PSD's such a goofy bastard
Me (3:58:19 PM): I love it
Me (3:58:29 PM): we're doing it before the party
Me (3:58:32 PM): and I said something
Me (3:58:36 PM): I don't recall what
Me (3:58:44 PM): but it was a phrase from a song
Me (3:58:49 PM): and he just starts singing
Me (3:58:52 PM): while he's fucking me
Me (3:58:56 PM): and not some pop son
Me (3:59:10 PM): it was a line from Defying Gravity, from Wicked
Me (3:59:17 PM): and he was singing the song LOUD
Her (3:59:18 PM): HAHAHAHAHA
Me (3:59:20 PM): and fucking me
Her (3:59:22 PM): that is SO awesome
Me (3:59:25 PM): I love him.

Her (3:59:43 PM): one of the best moments with Mr. Slappy
Her (3:59:55 PM): we were making out on his bed and i was on top about
to go down
Her (4:00:02 PM): and he had his iTunes on Genuis random
Her (4:00:08 PM): guess what comes up
Me (4:00:14 PM): Love in an Elevator?
Her (4:00:17 PM): She's so lucky...
Her (4:00:20 PM): she's a start
Me (4:00:21 PM): hahahahaha
Her (4:00:26 PM): BRITNEY SPEARS
Me (4:00:38 PM): so tacky and yet so cute
Her (4:00:41 PM): he goes...."well, there goes my boner"
Her (4:00:54 PM): i just started laughing
Her (4:00:58 PM): so he tries to change it
Me (4:00:59 PM): I love that it's on his iTunes
Her (4:01:06 PM): he tries to change it
Her (4:01:08 PM): and it goes to
Her (4:01:18 PM): When you wish upon a staaaaaaaaaaaaar
Me (4:01:26 PM): hahahahahahaha
Her (4:01:30 PM): he's like "no no no, oh god, no no no"
Me (4:01:34 PM): does he have the little Mermaid in there too?
Her (4:01:43 PM): i would fall in love if he did
Her (4:22:44 PM): "darling it's better down where it's wetter take it
from me...."
Me (4:22:52 PM): hahahahahaha
Her (4:24:15 PM): go on and kiss that girl
Her (4:24:43 PM): we can go fathoms below!
Her (4:25:45 PM): Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Me (4:25:50 PM): OMG
Me (4:25:57 PM): Alan Menken is a pervert!