Don't Judge Me

I might be in love, but I haven't gone soft.

Last night we went out. This involved much eyeliner and red lipstick. While I was washing my make-up off in the bathroom, PSD walked in wearing only a pastel-colored fishing hat, a cock ring and carrying a leather paddle.

I love this man.

Guest Post: Rebound and Lust

Hi there. Let me begin by first introducing myself – I’m Sexy Bitch. This moniker was given to me by your fearless queen bee-in-residence and I feel honored to wear it. Mostly because I know it’s my ringtone when I call her.

I’ve known Queen Bee for almost a year, and we have become quite close, sharing stories and advice…but not men, yet. I consider myself a Queen-Bee In Training, as I have yet to conquer many of love’s little obstacles.

But let’s be honest here, readers. Queen Bee disseminates some wonderful information, but she’s gone, how shall I say it?…soft. She fell in love. Poor thing.

I’m not in a ‘love’ kind of place.

To re-phrase: I’m all about the lust these days. The good, old fashioned, throw-me-against-the-wall-and-make-me-bruise kind of lust.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have since been on the warpath to heal my heart, one penis at a time. Since the break-up, I’ve enjoyed the freedom. I’ve enjoyed the men. I’ve enjoyed not giving a damn about the men and going after my own orgasmic nirvana.

So I thought I would step in with some fun stories of a 20-something on the rebound.

So let’s go through them:

The Asshole Ex

I should have saved him for last. He’s the hardest to write. I could say I loved him, possibly. I think the majority of my pain is not from what was lost, but rather the knowledge that we had so much potential to be unbelievable.

Alas, it was not meant to me. I’ll miss his cock. OH. MY. GOD. Beautiful, veiny, big and highly sensitive. It was meant to fuck. But he had a mental block that kept him from his ability to give me what I needed and we had a few very frustrating nights which began with his inability to keep it up (read: mental block) and my ending in tears. We slowly disintegrated from there.

Cue my big black binder

(come on…I’m in the prime of my life, gorgeous and sexually uninhibited… you really think it would only be a little black book?)

The Rebound

Ah, the rebound. He’s a sweetie – he’s kind, funny and good-hearted. He genuinely likes me. Bad idea.

Rebound attended the reception of a close friend’s wedding, coincidentally the same one Asshole Ex was supposed to attend. Coupled with copious amounts of vodka sodas and emotional instability, I slept with Rebound against my better (and more sober) nature. Disaster.

Two words: tiny dick. Could have been whiskey dick syndrome, could have been that Asshole Ex’s dick was a fucking ARM, could have been that he really does have a tiny dick. Either way, it left me frustrated and going home to my toys. Not a good first impr-sex-sion.

I may have to give it the good ol’ college try one more time. For shits and giggles.

If it really is as tiny as I remember, I’ll ask Queen Bee to post a photo.

The Firefighter

This boy and I have had a sexual flirtation on and off for about two years. Even when he had a girlfriend, I would get calls. Once we fucked, he calls…All. The. Time.

So let me introduce you to the man who puts out your fires:

South Florida Firefighter’s Calendar model

Beautiful man

More gorgeous dick

AND NO STAMINA

I mean, I know I’m beautiful. I know I’m sexy. I know he gets hard just hearing my voice. But just once I would love him to NOT come within seconds of entering me. Thank you.

The Dipshit…er, stick.

Dipstick and I have had our fair share of history. Having known him for the better part of a decade, we have much in common and know each other well-ish. Dipstick went through a nasty divorce about 4 years ago rendering him with the emotional capacity of a gerbil. He’s the perfect anger bang.

I hadn’t spoken to him in a couple years, but true to form, we picked up right where we left off having spent some time over drinks and skinny dipping in the ocean (if you haven’t had the pleasure of buoyancy and nekkidness, I highly recommend it for your sexy quotient).

After a missed opportunity to hang out due to a finicky A/C, we finally had the chance to get together on a Saturday. Add beer, good music and more skinny dipping (this time in his pool) to a healthy level of sexual tension and BANG! Fucking magic…pun intended. We began in the pool, oral on the chaise lounge and sex in the bed/floor. Just as I remembered: frantic, intense and goooooooooooooood.

It’s nice to have him back in my rotation.

So, I promise to post more as I navigate the waters of singledom after heartbreak and give you all the gory details of every victim…er, partner. More to come!

Sexy Bitch