There are a lot of different reasons people cheat; among them are ego, loneliness, sexual gratification.
Regardless of why you cheat, there is one cardinal rule to follow.
Peanut Gallery: Don’t get caught?
OK, there are two rules to follow.
Writing this post, I am working under the assumption that anyone who reads my blog is not a Neanderthal with an inferiority complex who feels the need to bang hot brainless waitresses just for sport. If you are that type, none of this will compute...so close the window and go watch some girl on girl squirt porn instead. Go on, we won’t tell.
The other rule is pretty simple to remember: Marrieds stick with marrieds.
See, here’s the thing, no matter how empty your marriage is, no matter how much you despise one another, no matter how long it has been since you have had sex...until one of you cuts the cord, your heart is simply not your own to give away.
When you sleep with another married in the same loveless situation, you have an unspoken pact, a sort of honor among thieves. Neither of you is expecting the other to be your white knight, you understand one another’s limitations. While a single person may understand and appreciate these limitations, they also have expectations of their own and no limitations.
If you are a married, it is not fair to profess your love to a single. Let’s be honest with one another, if you were really going to go, you would have left already. And if you use that singleton as your excuse to jump ship, do you really want to drag someone you “love” into the whorling vortex of shit that is about to hit the fan?
I have experienced this situation from almost every angle. I have been married fucking married, I have been married fucking single and I have been single fucking married. And while no relationship ends without some hurt feelings, at least married on married has some damn empathy when it’s done.
So man up, even if you have a vagina, and do the right thing.
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 30, 2009
Being "single" on Facebook
I recently changed my relationship status to "Single" and now the ads alongside my Facebook page have all changed with it. Now I get ads for match.com, eHarmony.com and JDate. No thanks to all three.
If they are going to capitalize on my single status by blasting me with this crap, I want to see the ads to the good places, to the dirtier sites. Show me ads to real hookup sites...and make them JUICY! I don't want to yawn, or worse, cringe in horror, when I see these ads. I want to look over and say to myself, "He's single? How do I contact him?" or even better, "How do I get to take a ride on THAT thing?"
Not everyone who is single is looking for a happily ever after. Not everyone wants to find their perfect someone and fuck up a fantastic dating streak.
I'm going to my room to be my own perfect someone for a while.
If they are going to capitalize on my single status by blasting me with this crap, I want to see the ads to the good places, to the dirtier sites. Show me ads to real hookup sites...and make them JUICY! I don't want to yawn, or worse, cringe in horror, when I see these ads. I want to look over and say to myself, "He's single? How do I contact him?" or even better, "How do I get to take a ride on THAT thing?"
Not everyone who is single is looking for a happily ever after. Not everyone wants to find their perfect someone and fuck up a fantastic dating streak.
I'm going to my room to be my own perfect someone for a while.
Friday, September 5, 2008
The Brady Bunch is a work of fiction...you know that, right?
Before I go any further, this post is not to demean or make fun of Mr. Brady Bunch in any way. He is an incredibly nice guy, with a heart of gold, who got a raw deal. I am writing this to a) share my experience, as is the point of this blog and b) to show how the best intentions can go horribly wrong when two people are looking for different things from one another.
A few weeks after I got back on my horse, I met an old girlfriend from school for Happy Hour. We're busy catching one another up on our lives and the various people we talk to from school. She asks if I remember Mr. Brady Bunch. Of course, I do. Well, Mr. Brady Bunch is also going through a divorce and has a daughter the same age as mine, maybe she should re-introduce us. Sure thing, sign me up.
The next week the three of us meet for dinner. Our stories are relatively similar in that our relationship/marriages were long term (since college) and ended within the last few months. We're having a wonderful time catching up, flirting, watching the All Star Game and drinking. Good times! At some point she leaves, and he and I stay out way past our bedtimes just talking (I swear, just talking) and catching up.
We talk on the phone the next few nights. He's not the best conversationalist on the phone, but a lot of people are not...and I can talk enough for two. It's no secret that once I get a little warmed up, my engine hits full throttle right away, so the casual flirting turns to sex talk pretty soon. He seems a little shocked by my openness, but not in a bad way. I explain that I am not looking for a relationship, simply some good times with someone I can trust and that is not a one night stand. Surprisingly, he's looking for the exact same thing.
We make plans to hang out that weekend. He decides to turn it into a barbecue at his house, and invites me to bring my daughter to play with his. His house is in the middle of nowhere, and he graciously offers us the guest room so we don't have to drive home from nowhere in the dark. The girls hit it off, we have a nice time and we even remain incredibly well behaved until they fall asleep. The second they fall asleep, the clothes are off and we are in bed. A wonderful time is had by all.
The next morning, I am packing up our stuff to leave and he asks me to hang out at his house while he's working so he can see me later. This should have been a glaring red flag to me, but I was sleep-deprived. I explain that I have things to do at home and was leaving but I would talk to him later. He pouted.
We're talking on the phone and we get to the safe sex talk. I suggest a full disclosure when with other people policy and he says, "I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone else." RED FLAG! I say, "I'm sorry, sport, but I can't promise you the same thing." At this point I am pretty sure he's disappointed, but I am just starting out my single life and am not changing my plans for him.
Over the next couple of weeks, we talk on the phone and it becomes apparent to me we do not have much in common. He loves sports, I mean really loves them. I enjoy watching a game every now and then, but I do not live for them. He doesn't read books or watch the same kinds of movies as me. I don't want a relationship; he refers to the four of us as the Brady Bunch and thinks it's adorable. He's becoming quite clingy now and I feel bad. His wife broke his heart and I don't want to be the one who hurts him again. Way to get myself into a predicament.
I go through an emotional upheaval of my own and have to cancel plans on him two nights in a row. I try to explain that I just need to be alone. He contacts the friend that set us up because he's concerned. She explains that I am a fiercely independent girl and can take care of myself. He texts me that he's here if I need to talk, I thank him. Twenty minutes later I get another text asking if I am ready to talk yet. Half an hour after that, he asks again. Even if I had been ready to talk, I would be calling my sister or one of my best friends, not someone I just basically met.
We see one another at a social function, it's awkward. He's hurt I won't come home with him and it pisses me off. The next day I call him and explain that I think we are looking for different things. He's a great guy but he wants more from me than I have to give. He tells me he understands and doesn't want to push a relationship on me. I know he doesn't really understand, but I give him another chance.
A couple of nights later we meet for dinner and some drinks. We're at a Chili's and baseball is on. Remember, the first night we "met" the All Star Game was on, and I mentioned that I liked (liked, not loved) baseball and was a Yankees girl. Since all he really knows how to talk about is sports, he starts talking to me about the baseball game. I try talking about politics, he brings up baseball. Chili's is two-for-ones on the margaritas and I start drinking them two-fisted. After a few rounds he suggests going back to the house, I agree. I know right now you are reading this and shaking your head, because you already know I fucked him. He asked me to spend the night, but I had to work the next day and I didn't want to, so he brought me back to Chili's to get my car. Remember, before I slept with him this time, we had the whole "relationship" talk and he agreed with me. Sure enough, the next day we are talking on the phone and he is going to make room in some of his drawers for me. What? I believe what I actually said was, "Why? Do you think I am going to be storing some fucking Tupperware at your house?"
I left for a family vacation and he wrote to me via e-mail. I tried to keep it friendly but distant while I was gone. Casual e-mails here and there, nothing more. When I got home he invited me to a concert. Against my better judgment I agreed to go. The concert was on a weeknight, near my office and we both live far north of there. Common sense would say that I meet him at the concert. He tried to figure out any way he could to get us into one car and going together, but I refused to budge. Several friends told me I should not have accepted the invitation, and they are probably correct.
So what ended up happening? Fate stepped in. I ended up in the ER needing emergency surgery the day before the concert. And just in case that wasn't enough, Tropical Storm Fay came gunning for us in South Florida. The concert was rescheduled.
That was almost 3 weeks ago. He checked on me via e-mail a few times. Just yesterday I politely declined an invitation to come to his house this weekend to watch the myriad of football games that will be on. I have learned my lesson.
A few weeks after I got back on my horse, I met an old girlfriend from school for Happy Hour. We're busy catching one another up on our lives and the various people we talk to from school. She asks if I remember Mr. Brady Bunch. Of course, I do. Well, Mr. Brady Bunch is also going through a divorce and has a daughter the same age as mine, maybe she should re-introduce us. Sure thing, sign me up.
The next week the three of us meet for dinner. Our stories are relatively similar in that our relationship/marriages were long term (since college) and ended within the last few months. We're having a wonderful time catching up, flirting, watching the All Star Game and drinking. Good times! At some point she leaves, and he and I stay out way past our bedtimes just talking (I swear, just talking) and catching up.
We talk on the phone the next few nights. He's not the best conversationalist on the phone, but a lot of people are not...and I can talk enough for two. It's no secret that once I get a little warmed up, my engine hits full throttle right away, so the casual flirting turns to sex talk pretty soon. He seems a little shocked by my openness, but not in a bad way. I explain that I am not looking for a relationship, simply some good times with someone I can trust and that is not a one night stand. Surprisingly, he's looking for the exact same thing.
We make plans to hang out that weekend. He decides to turn it into a barbecue at his house, and invites me to bring my daughter to play with his. His house is in the middle of nowhere, and he graciously offers us the guest room so we don't have to drive home from nowhere in the dark. The girls hit it off, we have a nice time and we even remain incredibly well behaved until they fall asleep. The second they fall asleep, the clothes are off and we are in bed. A wonderful time is had by all.
The next morning, I am packing up our stuff to leave and he asks me to hang out at his house while he's working so he can see me later. This should have been a glaring red flag to me, but I was sleep-deprived. I explain that I have things to do at home and was leaving but I would talk to him later. He pouted.
We're talking on the phone and we get to the safe sex talk. I suggest a full disclosure when with other people policy and he says, "I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone else." RED FLAG! I say, "I'm sorry, sport, but I can't promise you the same thing." At this point I am pretty sure he's disappointed, but I am just starting out my single life and am not changing my plans for him.
Over the next couple of weeks, we talk on the phone and it becomes apparent to me we do not have much in common. He loves sports, I mean really loves them. I enjoy watching a game every now and then, but I do not live for them. He doesn't read books or watch the same kinds of movies as me. I don't want a relationship; he refers to the four of us as the Brady Bunch and thinks it's adorable. He's becoming quite clingy now and I feel bad. His wife broke his heart and I don't want to be the one who hurts him again. Way to get myself into a predicament.
I go through an emotional upheaval of my own and have to cancel plans on him two nights in a row. I try to explain that I just need to be alone. He contacts the friend that set us up because he's concerned. She explains that I am a fiercely independent girl and can take care of myself. He texts me that he's here if I need to talk, I thank him. Twenty minutes later I get another text asking if I am ready to talk yet. Half an hour after that, he asks again. Even if I had been ready to talk, I would be calling my sister or one of my best friends, not someone I just basically met.
We see one another at a social function, it's awkward. He's hurt I won't come home with him and it pisses me off. The next day I call him and explain that I think we are looking for different things. He's a great guy but he wants more from me than I have to give. He tells me he understands and doesn't want to push a relationship on me. I know he doesn't really understand, but I give him another chance.
A couple of nights later we meet for dinner and some drinks. We're at a Chili's and baseball is on. Remember, the first night we "met" the All Star Game was on, and I mentioned that I liked (liked, not loved) baseball and was a Yankees girl. Since all he really knows how to talk about is sports, he starts talking to me about the baseball game. I try talking about politics, he brings up baseball. Chili's is two-for-ones on the margaritas and I start drinking them two-fisted. After a few rounds he suggests going back to the house, I agree. I know right now you are reading this and shaking your head, because you already know I fucked him. He asked me to spend the night, but I had to work the next day and I didn't want to, so he brought me back to Chili's to get my car. Remember, before I slept with him this time, we had the whole "relationship" talk and he agreed with me. Sure enough, the next day we are talking on the phone and he is going to make room in some of his drawers for me. What? I believe what I actually said was, "Why? Do you think I am going to be storing some fucking Tupperware at your house?"
I left for a family vacation and he wrote to me via e-mail. I tried to keep it friendly but distant while I was gone. Casual e-mails here and there, nothing more. When I got home he invited me to a concert. Against my better judgment I agreed to go. The concert was on a weeknight, near my office and we both live far north of there. Common sense would say that I meet him at the concert. He tried to figure out any way he could to get us into one car and going together, but I refused to budge. Several friends told me I should not have accepted the invitation, and they are probably correct.
So what ended up happening? Fate stepped in. I ended up in the ER needing emergency surgery the day before the concert. And just in case that wasn't enough, Tropical Storm Fay came gunning for us in South Florida. The concert was rescheduled.
That was almost 3 weeks ago. He checked on me via e-mail a few times. Just yesterday I politely declined an invitation to come to his house this weekend to watch the myriad of football games that will be on. I have learned my lesson.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Wonderful World of AFF
I begin asking friends where I can go to meet some fun people and more than one dear friend mentions Adult Friend Finder to me. Adult Friend Finder claims right on the front page "Get laid tonight." Interesting site. I join.
They offer a wonderful tool to help you write your profile, if you don't know what to say about yourself. Their questionnaire is very thorough (more about that soon) and it's quite easy to make a decent looking profile. It's idiot-proof, which poses a problem with idiots comprising a large percentage of the people writing you. I'll be happy to share some examples with you, don't worry.
Girls, prepare to be inundated with requests.
I have settled on a screening process that works very well for me:
They offer a wonderful tool to help you write your profile, if you don't know what to say about yourself. Their questionnaire is very thorough (more about that soon) and it's quite easy to make a decent looking profile. It's idiot-proof, which poses a problem with idiots comprising a large percentage of the people writing you. I'll be happy to share some examples with you, don't worry.
Girls, prepare to be inundated with requests.
I have settled on a screening process that works very well for me:
- Age: Too old, you get deleted...too young, you get deleted. I admit that more than once I have been bored enough to check a profile of someone who falls outside my accepted age range and ended up replying to them, but it's rare.
- Marital status: If you're married, you get deleted.
- Circumcision: Whomever decided to make this a profile question is a fucking genius. My thought process about this is: why would I bother to speak to someone who is not circumcised on the off chance I end up really liking them...knowing I would never touch their penis? If your answer is no, or if you decline to answer, you get deleted.
- Spelling, grammar, etc.: Before I even read the e-mail they sent, I check the profile for the glaring signs of illiteracy and stupidity. For instance, and in this case I didn't have to view the profile (although I did for funsies), because his screen name said it all: laitnlover3# (I debated posting his entire screen name, but decided to leave off the last digit for anonymity). Seriously, if you cannot even spell your own screen name, how much faith can I have in your other abilities, like the ability to find the right hole?
- Messages: Finally, we've eliminated a lot of potential candidates, thank goodness. Now I move onto the actual messages. Plenty of people seem to have actually read my profile, nice. Oh look, this guy is looking for a soulmate, try Match.com, dude. Some of them send out generic form letters that would apply to any woman anywhere, F for effort. Then some of them are just...well, take a look:
Hello, let me eat your pussy. you won't regreat it. what do you think?Well, the first thing I think is that you should learn to spell check. And what's with the Greyhound self-portrait?
I've always been good at turning nothing into something great. When I'm out driving I like to blow down the freeway as fast as I can...it's how I live my whole life. I get along best with people who can talk about something besides sex or sports. When I go out, I go with the flow, and end up where I end up. When I'm at home alone, I'm calling up friends who want to cure their boredom with me. I look forward to whatever life brings. I can be whatever you need me to be, as long as we're both comfortable with it and both having fun with it.I will admit that there are a large number of intelligent, funny and good-looking people on this site. I have met some, it's just a question of properly screening them.
I'm not changing my life, I'm just trying to make it more interesting.
If you contact me bear in mind that I'm just looking for a fuck buddy, not a soulmate.
My Ideal Person:
If you are married, don't waste either of our time...I am NOT interested.
I am not looking for random sex with strangers, a fuck buddy is a friend you fuck.
A quick word about Step One
This is the photo that started it all. Step One is someone I have known since I was in grade school, we were friends. Everyone grows up, moves away and loses touch.
Fast forward 16 years. We are thrown into the same social circle by a relationship between mutual school friends. We get in touch again and I see some pictures of him and damn. Then I run into him at the wedding and double damn; but at this time I am still quite married and don't pursue anything (not that I have morals about cheating, but I was working on being a better wife at that particular time). I even tried to set him up with a friend of mine at one point, never admitted before that I was quite happy it never happened.
Fast forward again, but this time only a couple of months. I am newly separated but ready to join the world again. I run into him at a small social event and we start chatting. I mention that I am now single, he pulls up a chair, we talk all afternoon. From there it moves to some mild workday flirting on Facebook. Then he kiddingly suggests I send him racy photos. Coincidently, that day I am in Frederick's of Hollywood bra shopping...I snap that photo, send it to him and it all degrades to a smutfest relatively quickly. There are dozens of dirty photos and filthy e-mails back and forth. We set a date, we fuck...and then we go back to being friends.
I miss the dirty photos and the filthy e-mails...I can admit it.
Getting back on the horse
Step One: have sex with someone you know and trust to get your confidence back up...check!
Step Two: check out some of those online sites to see what the deal is...check!
I can talk about Step One in another post; he is a friend and probably deserves a little more respect than posting our sexual escapades on a public blog...but maybe not.
So onto Step Two...ah, step two.
In my effort to recreate myself as some respectable sort of woman, I checked out Match.com first. I immediately knew I was in the wrong place. Not that these men aren't looking for sex, I mean what man says no to sex? But these men are looking for relationships (the word makes me cringe right now, someday I may get over that...I will keep you posted) in addition to sex. They want LTR (long term relationships) and they use phrases like "REWARD: HAPPINESS EVER AFTER" or "Kind gentleman looking for that special lady." [insert gagging noise here].
Now I am not poking fun at these gentleman, the sentiment appears to be sincere and I wish them the best of luck on their quests, but the jaded bitch in me cannot stomach this. I realize that dating any of these men would be unfair as I am not looking for anything that serious and would end up getting bored with and trampling on one of these men just for sport. Seriously, I know myself...I can be cruel.
Now I need to start looking elsewhere...
[All of the quoted taglines are real taglines from profiles, copied exactly as they were posted by the authors. If you are looking for a real relationship, Match.com is a good place to start. The people seem sincere enough and there is a wide variety of people. Good luck to you on your quest.]
Step Two: check out some of those online sites to see what the deal is...check!
I can talk about Step One in another post; he is a friend and probably deserves a little more respect than posting our sexual escapades on a public blog...but maybe not.
So onto Step Two...ah, step two.
In my effort to recreate myself as some respectable sort of woman, I checked out Match.com first. I immediately knew I was in the wrong place. Not that these men aren't looking for sex, I mean what man says no to sex? But these men are looking for relationships (the word makes me cringe right now, someday I may get over that...I will keep you posted) in addition to sex. They want LTR (long term relationships) and they use phrases like "REWARD: HAPPINESS EVER AFTER" or "Kind gentleman looking for that special lady." [insert gagging noise here].
Now I am not poking fun at these gentleman, the sentiment appears to be sincere and I wish them the best of luck on their quests, but the jaded bitch in me cannot stomach this. I realize that dating any of these men would be unfair as I am not looking for anything that serious and would end up getting bored with and trampling on one of these men just for sport. Seriously, I know myself...I can be cruel.
Now I need to start looking elsewhere...
[All of the quoted taglines are real taglines from profiles, copied exactly as they were posted by the authors. If you are looking for a real relationship, Match.com is a good place to start. The people seem sincere enough and there is a wide variety of people. Good luck to you on your quest.]
The story so far...
I find myself, now 33 and the mother of a wonderfully precocious toddler, suddenly single and thrust back into the single world.
I have known a lot of women in this situation, I am not unique. Many people take a while to get back into dating and sex...but not me. I've never been one to sit around and wait for things to happen, so I am diving head first into the crazy world of singledom.
In mid-April my husband and I split up. By mid-June I was aching to just get laid. Once I got that first one out of the way, it was time to embrace being single again.
I have known a lot of women in this situation, I am not unique. Many people take a while to get back into dating and sex...but not me. I've never been one to sit around and wait for things to happen, so I am diving head first into the crazy world of singledom.
In mid-April my husband and I split up. By mid-June I was aching to just get laid. Once I got that first one out of the way, it was time to embrace being single again.
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