We should catch up!

Text Message
April 22, 2011 6:49 AM

Me: Statistically, any day that starts with anal sex is a good day. #justsaying
Male BFF: Statiscally speaking, seeing that anal constitutes 0.00671% of my sexual activity, I'd say it'd be a phenomenal day.
Me: I like your positive outlook!

Married life is good, thanks for asking.

What have we been up to?
The usual: being great parents, having sex as often as we can, working, hanging out with friends, school (finals are coming up), inadvertently picking up friend's girlfriends on swingers websites...nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm perusing profiles on sls.com and I come across a local couple with the intro:

Secure, committed couple..he with previous experience, her being new, but eager. Right now, we are just starting out and looking to play only with each other. We don't mind watching or being watched by others in the room, but no swapping right now. Finding a couple that is fun, sociable and that we get along with outside of the bedroom would be a big plus!

Some of the people on SLS are pushy, like "meet us this weekend" by the second message and when you don't respond they flood you with "still interested?" messages non-stop.  Anyone who has been with me since my AFF days knows I am not about the cheap hook-up, so I write to them:

Sorta new to this as well...looking more to meet same-minded friends than just hookup. Nice to see we're not the only ones. :-)

Two days later I get a message from one of my IRL friends on Facebook:

So, how do I put this....... on SLS.....is my girlfriend and I. And we so appreciate you writing and yes, is nice to see some people with a little different philosophy.

Hahahaha, only me.

25 Personal Things

I did the "25 Random Things" on Facebook, but thought a more personal list would be a better fit here. You guys already know too much about me, so what's the difference if you learn a few more of my quirks?

1. I lost my virginity at 14. People seem astounded when I tell them that, but I never felt that I started too young or before I could handle the responsibility that came with being sexually active. However, when I see 14 year olds now, they look like children.
2. I know I am pretty but I don't think I am pretty. I am a very confident girl, yet a bundle of neurotic contradictions.
3. My sexual drive positively governs my moods. It has been this way for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to change it.
4. When I want something, or someone, I will move heaven and earth to get it, even if it's bad for me; this is usually the case.
5. I don't understand people who are not that passionate. I have had my heart broken a few times because of this.
6. I don't swallow. Don't even ask. You will never talk me into it.
7. No one in the world appreciates my breasts as much as I do. I touch them constantly.
8. I have fallen in love more times than I can count. I have never fallen out of love. If you were ever inducted into my heart, you are still there, you will be forever. (This includes my ex-husband)
9. Someday, I want another baby.
10. Since the birth of my daughter, I have kept myself in good shape. But now I fear that I have done irreparable damage to my figure in the last few months.
11. I like anal sex.
12. Finally, I accept that I can never have a traditional monogamous relationship.
13. Now that I know this, I am terrified I will never find someone who can accept me for who and what I am.
14. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have more good lovers than bad ones.
15. I loved my husband, I loved our life. It frightens me how easily I was able to adapt to being single again after spending half my life with someone. See #12.
16. Although I love kissing girls and touching girls, I don't love pussy. I consider myself an above-the-waist bisexual.
17. After my separation, I got involved in an emotionally detrimental relationship with a married man. Aside from this, you will never find a mention of our relationship in my blog. I loved him, I respect his privacy.
18. People always considered me to be quite open, because I talk a lot and share personal little anecdotes about my life easily. It was enough to distract people from the fact that I never shared anything of substance.
19. One of my friends, someone who I love dearly, also does this...AND IT FUCKING DRIVES ME NUTS.
20. When I was younger, I had so much unprotected sex that I am still in amazement that I made it through unscathed and healthy. I am now the Condom Nazi; I never even leave the house without them.
21. I have fucked on the first date. I don't believe in waiting past the third though. Second date is usually my sweet spot.
22. Compliments make me uncomfortable. VERY uncomfortable. I believe this comes from...
23. I spent half my life with someone who vacillated between ignoring me and blatantly disrespecting me.
24. When I am incredibly turned on, my brain ceases to function. As Clothespin has told me more than once, I literally get my brains fucked out.
25. I masturbate a lot. More than a lot. I love myself more than anyone else ever will. :)

Being "single" on Facebook

I recently changed my relationship status to "Single" and now the ads alongside my Facebook page have all changed with it. Now I get ads for match.com, eHarmony.com and JDate. No thanks to all three.

If they are going to capitalize on my single status by blasting me with this crap, I want to see the ads to the good places, to the dirtier sites. Show me ads to real hookup sites...and make them JUICY! I don't want to yawn, or worse, cringe in horror, when I see these ads. I want to look over and say to myself, "He's single? How do I contact him?" or even better, "How do I get to take a ride on THAT thing?"

Not everyone who is single is looking for a happily ever after. Not everyone wants to find their perfect someone and fuck up a fantastic dating streak.

I'm going to my room to be my own perfect someone for a while.