This person knows me?

30 year old Man in Port Saint Lucie, Florida
Looking For: Women for 1-on-1 sex, Discreet Relationship, Group sex (3 or more!) or Other "Alternative" Activities

Profile for olbigun69
i am fun loving, serious, and a please to be around!!

olbigun69's Information:

Gender: Man
Birthdate: April 15, 1978 (30 years old)
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Lives in: Port Saint Lucie, Florida (64 miles from you)
Marital Status: Attached
Height: Prefer not to say
Body Type: Prefer not to say
Smoking: Prefer not to say
Drinking: Prefer not to say
Drugs: Prefer not to say
Education: Prefer not to say
Race: Prefer not to say
Male Endowment: Prefer not to say/Prefer not to say
Circumcised: Prefer not to say
Speaks: English

Sep 11, 2008 11:12 AM EDT
i work with ur soon to be x wow hes gonna love dis


Wow, really?
They are hiring illiterates there now? And you are judging me because you are attached and looking for discreet poon on a hookup website?

**UPDATE 9/19/08: I went back the other night to see if this clown had e-mailed me again. There ere two more e-mails, but I could not read them because he deleted his profile. The moron probably thought I knew who he was and was going to tell his significant other.

What the fuck did he say?

This is a transcript cut and pasted directly from Yahoo Messenger. The only thing I did was take out our screen names. The improperly capitalized name for him is how he has himself listed. How can respect yourself if you can't even capitalize your own name?

This guy had written to me on AFF and rather than just delete him (too dumb and not circumcised) I was polite and sent a "Sorry, looking for someone local." reply. He then got my Yahoo screen name from my profile (time to disable that nifty little feature) and wrote to me.

jose m (9/3/2008 7:15:22 PM): hey
Me (9/3/2008 7:15:26 PM): hey
jose m (9/3/2008 7:15:31 PM): whats up?
jose m (9/3/2008 7:15:38 PM): do u know who this is lol?
Me (9/3/2008 7:15:43 PM): yes
Me (9/3/2008 7:15:48 PM): the cute guy from Miami
jose m (9/3/2008 7:15:50 PM): oh ok lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:15:56 PM): who I think is too far but you disagree
jose m (9/3/2008 7:16:26 PM): hey why do u say that i live far like if i live hrs away and then u said it wouldnt work out if not like ur looking for a husband or ur gonan get married anytime soon lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:16:41 PM): LOL
Me (9/3/2008 7:16:47 PM): no, I am not even divorced yet
jose m (9/3/2008 7:16:50 PM): im only 30 mins away thats not far maybe naples
jose m (9/3/2008 7:17:00 PM): so im not the jealous type lol
jose m (9/3/2008 7:17:04 PM): sharing is caring lol
jose m (9/3/2008 7:17:11 PM):
Me (9/3/2008 7:17:31 PM): LOL
jose m (9/3/2008 7:18:02 PM):
jose m (9/3/2008 7:18:16 PM): so why do u think im live far when im only 30 mins away lol?
Me (9/3/2008 7:18:31 PM): because I know how this already will work
Me (9/3/2008 7:18:38 PM): I am a single mom with not much time
Me (9/3/2008 7:18:43 PM): been doing this a while now
Me (9/3/2008 7:18:44 PM): LOL
jose m (9/3/2008 7:18:48 PM): n how is that gonan work ?
jose m (9/3/2008 7:18:54 PM): lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:18:59 PM): huh?
Me (9/3/2008 7:19:01 PM): gonan?
jose m (9/3/2008 7:19:30 PM): i meant ho is that gonna work?
jose m (9/3/2008 7:19:33 PM): how
jose m (9/3/2008 7:19:35 PM): lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:19:38 PM): ahhhhh
jose m (9/3/2008 7:20:24 PM): nevermind ur lost lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:20:59 PM): not at all
jose m (9/3/2008 7:22:32 PM): yes u r lol
jose m (9/3/2008 7:22:38 PM): so have u met anyone from aff?
jose m (9/3/2008 7:22:45 PM): by the way im jose n ur name is?
Me (9/3/2008 7:24:21 PM): [wouldn't you love to know]
Me (9/3/2008 7:24:23 PM): yes I have
Me (9/3/2008 7:24:28 PM): several people
jose m (9/3/2008 7:24:53 PM): lucky u
jose m (9/3/2008 7:24:54 PM): lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:25:02 PM): I have met some very cool people
jose m (9/3/2008 7:27:24 PM): i met some fake ass ppl lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:27:40 PM): I have a really stringent screening process
Me (9/3/2008 7:27:41 PM): LOL
Me (9/3/2008 7:27:47 PM): I only meet a handful of people
jose m (9/3/2008 7:28:23 PM): lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:28:46 PM): I hooked up with a guy the other night
Me (9/3/2008 7:28:57 PM): who had done his PhD research at the Kiney Institute
jose m (9/3/2008 7:29:02 PM): can u hooked up with me lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:29:02 PM): so interesting
Me (9/3/2008 7:29:20 PM): Kinsey Institute, sorry
Me (9/3/2008 7:29:23 PM): spelled it wrong
jose m (9/3/2008 7:30:06 PM): its ok this is not an english class lol
jose m (9/3/2008 7:30:19 PM): we r not in school here lol
Me (9/3/2008 7:30:46 PM): I know, but how you present yourself is how people see you
jose m (9/3/2008 7:32:46 PM): thats not true..
jose m (9/3/2008 7:35:12 PM): idont have to open my mouth and ppl right away this im this stuck guy that just go out with girls with six pack
jose m (9/3/2008 7:35:55 PM): aand also think that im full of my self cause of my pics which is not true
jose m (9/3/2008 7:36:15 PM): i love my body andi m prove of it and everybody should feel the same way
jose m (9/3/2008 7:36:47 PM): just cause u dont have a six pack or ur nto shape doesnt mean ur not sexy pr hot or w.e u wantr to call it
Me (9/3/2008 7:40:24 PM): right
Me (9/3/2008 7:40:38 PM): but by taking care of your body, you show people you are proud of it
Me (9/3/2008 7:41:05 PM): the same way I am with my mind
Me (9/3/2008 7:41:51 PM): the being pretty I cannot help
Me (9/3/2008 7:41:58 PM): just like being cute for you
Me (9/3/2008 7:42:27 PM): but I choose to present myself as an educated, well-spoken person because I want to be thought of as more than pretty
Me (9/3/2008 7:42:48 PM): even with hook-ups, I need to be respected for my mind, too...it's my bonus quality

This is when he just stopped responding to me.
Then he came back…

jose m (9/3/2008 8:02:12 PM): lol
jose m (9/3/2008 8:02:14 PM): i see
jose m (9/3/2008 8:02:19 PM): so how long were u married for?
Me (9/3/2008 8:02:50 PM): almost 9 years, been together for 16 ½

It’s been 10 minutes. I am going to assume the math stumped him and post this now.

Received: hey (Sep 2, 2008 5:43 PM EDT)

Profile for big****mianto ensure all members maximize eachother on here and interaction by consistenly providing excellent service to eachother,NO GAY MEN AT ALL,lady only Adult FriendFinder [because I totally buy that the folks at AFF wrote this disclaimer and chose to post it only on his profile]
My Ideal Person:
real people,who in too real things,NO GAY MEN,lady only Adult FriendFinder

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
my favorite fantasies is two women all over me, yes two, and
i want to fuck the two ,
Birthdate: August 31, 1962
(46 years old)

am looking for you 2, am in fla alot and i dont do clubs or dont pick up women out of bars, so if we chat on here become friends i will see you want i get over there, i do live alone no wife, so we can really get to know eachother

I honestly don't know what to say about this one at all. He has two profile pictures, but I will spare you. One is so dark and shot from so far away, all you can see is the flash reflecting in his eyes. It could be a raccoon in a shirt, honestly. The other is a blurry, unattractive penis shot. Nothing turns a girl on like an unsolicited cock pic, especially when it's not even a nice cock.

Bearly legle [sp]

Birthdate: December 14, 1989
(18 years old)

hey thought u were looking good. saw u were looking for a fuck buddy would love to be that guy. we could have alotta fun. i am willing to drive. i kno i am young but doesnt mean we cant have fun. i will send u some pics i think u will like if u reply. so let me kno if u r interested

Education: Prefer not to say

Really? I am surprised he's not bragging about his degree in English.

The Wonderful World of AFF

I begin asking friends where I can go to meet some fun people and more than one dear friend mentions Adult Friend Finder to me. Adult Friend Finder claims right on the front page "Get laid tonight." Interesting site. I join.

They offer a wonderful tool to help you write your profile, if you don't know what to say about yourself. Their questionnaire is very thorough (more about that soon) and it's quite easy to make a decent looking profile. It's idiot-proof, which poses a problem with idiots comprising a large percentage of the people writing you. I'll be happy to share some examples with you, don't worry.

Girls, prepare to be inundated with requests.

I have settled on a screening process that works very well for me:

1. Age: Too old, you get deleted...too young, you get deleted. I admit that more than once I have been bored enough to check a profile of someone who falls outside my accepted age range and ended up replying to them, but it's rare.
2. Marital status: If you're married, you get deleted.
3. Circumcision: Whomever decided to make this a profile question is a fucking genius. My thought process about this is: why would I bother to speak to someone who is not circumcised on the off chance I end up really liking them...knowing I would never touch their penis? If your answer is no, or if you decline to answer, you get deleted.
4. Spelling, grammar, etc.: Before I even read the e-mail they sent, I check the profile for the glaring signs of illiteracy and stupidity. For instance, and in this case I didn't have to view the profile (although I did for funsies), because his screen name said it all: laitnlover3# (I debated posting his entire screen name, but decided to leave off the last digit for anonymity). Seriously, if you cannot even spell your own screen name, how much faith can I have in your other abilities, like the ability to find the right hole?
5. Messages: Finally, we've eliminated a lot of potential candidates, thank goodness. Now I move onto the actual messages. Plenty of people seem to have actually read my profile, nice. Oh look, this guy is looking for a soulmate, try Match.com, dude. Some of them send out generic form letters that would apply to any woman anywhere, F for effort. Then some of them are just...well, take a look:
   

   

   Hello, let me eat your pussy. you won't regreat it. what do you think?

   
   
   Well, the first thing I think is that you should learn to spell check. And what's with the Greyhound self-portrait?

I guess I should share my profile at this point, so you understand how clear I am being up front about what I want:

I've always been good at turning nothing into something great. When I'm out driving I like to blow down the freeway as fast as I can...it's how I live my whole life. I get along best with people who can talk about something besides sex or sports. When I go out, I go with the flow, and end up where I end up. When I'm at home alone, I'm calling up friends who want to cure their boredom with me. I look forward to whatever life brings. I can be whatever you need me to be, as long as we're both comfortable with it and both having fun with it.
I'm not changing my life, I'm just trying to make it more interesting.

If you contact me bear in mind that I'm just looking for a fuck buddy, not a soulmate.
My Ideal Person:
If you are married, don't waste either of our time...I am NOT interested.
I am not looking for random sex with strangers, a fuck buddy is a friend you fuck.

I will admit that there are a large number of intelligent, funny and good-looking people on this site. I have met some, it's just a question of properly screening them.