Memory Lane

Just for funsies, I logged onto AFF tonight to update my profile to reflect that (a) I am in a relationship and (b) we might be looking for a girl or another couple to play with.

I forgot just how goddamned pushy the men on there can be! On the one hand, you have to admire their never-ending tenacity. On the other hand, it's repulsive.

Hello there,

I will be staying in Boca Thursday night the 8th of April and I would love to see you -- I travel back and forth to Boca very often...I think we are looking for the same thing and I would love to fill your desires as well as mine.. My personal e mail address is at AOL dot COM and name is BAHBOO1xxx the OO are letters.
I cant wait to hear from you.
Or we can communicate here - your call..
Bye for now,
XXO Anthony
PS: I love your photos -- you are stunning!!!

------ Profile Attached -------

I am a very sexual Italian man that will please you however you like - just let me know what you enjoy and I will make it happen for you. I love undressing you slowly, Havings the lights on during sex so we can each others bodies, Softly kissing your lips / having are tongues sensually intertwined, Orally pleasing each other, Scented candles, Sharing our fantasies, Soflty whispering in your ear and just making you feel good all over your body.... I love to listen to a women's needs and I really enjoy pleasing her the way she likes (just tell me the way you like being touched, kissed, licked and I will make you feel that way)so we both can explode together....

How many women do you think he sent that to? My guess is more than one. What the fuck would he do if more than one woman actually responded and said yes?

I have learned a valuable lesson...

When I want to post pictures of ugly cocks on my blog from now on, I will save and upload the photos. So many of the pictures I linked to have been removed.

I'm sad. Nothing makes me happier than ragging on an ugly cock pic.

The Great Sex Shortage

It all began Thursday, March 25. I had an evening to myself and a LOT of homework to do. I dragged my ass to the local Barnes & Noble and got to work. That Accounting homework never stood a chance. My only mistake of the night? Chugging a Venti latte around 9 pm. The first night of insomnia...

The next day was my daughter's birthday dinner at Chuck E. Cheese. That place is difficult enough to take on a good day. Try it on no sleep. To boot, my doctor had started me on a new medication we will simply refer to as "Cocaine in pill form" and I took my first dose before heading over to CEC. All night, I was sweating up a storm, my eyes were schizzing around the joint and my partner-in-crime had brought a flask of vodka we were sharing. It was just like my old party days. Good times! Second night of insomnia...

Throughout the next two weeks and five days, I suffered from sleepless nights for many reasons, and none of them sex or depravity-related. Poor PSD was insanely sick during this time...work was hectic...there was always something. By two weeks and five days I was suffering from cold sweats and hallucinations.

The exhaustion finally led to me throwing my back out. Oddly, the pain was SO severe that I was finally able to sleep. The next several days were excruciating, I could barely move. It's now been almost two weeks and I am managing the pain with Vicodin, under my doctor's care.

By now, if you are still reading, you are wondering what this post is doing on a blog where I talk (primarily) about sex...right? I have to tell you, I had to go WEEKS without sex. It was maddening. I know I used to go for much longer stretches without sex; my ex withheld sex all the time (and to this day he wonders why I cheated) but it has been so long since I have had to worry about it. How the hell do people live without it? I need feedback, I need to know!

The other reason I am posting this, so you know, is that I am high as a kite on Vicodin.

Maybe this is cheating...

...but read this post I wrote one year ago today: Being Single on Facebook

How times have changed.

Bangin' in the New Year

My last post was about the Passion Party. Turns out we have had a string of good parties, starting with that one. A few days after the Passion Party we had a regular ole' Saturday night shindig. We eschewed our normal Grape Bomb shots for old fashioned Lemon Drops. My regular partner-in-crime makes some of the best Lemon Drops in the world. Sweet talk me and I will post the recipe (...but seriously, I need to hear how awesome I am). We imbibed, oh Lordie Lord, did we imbibe. I know I lost count after 10 shots. Friends that I have never seen drunk drunk were THAT drunk. There were no less than two women cuffed to my bed and at least four people had sex on my bed that night (yes, I was one of them). It was mainly a hen party plus a couple of male friends who think of my sister and me as family. This meant that PSD was the King of the Jungle that night. Oh yeah, life is good.

A couple of weeks later was New Year's Eve. The three of us had nothing to do so we set up a party invite on Facebook and invited everyone we know. We weren't expecting much of a turn-out, as most of our friends are pretty cool and have other friends. Lo and behold, their other friends suck/they're not as cool as I thought/hanging with us IS that much fun, we had a full house. Yadda yadda yadda, shots...yadda yadda yadda, people making out everywhere...yadda yadda yadda, all three of us just passed out in my bed.

Oh, I should back up a little bit here. My aforementioned partner-in-crime and PSD get along famously. At some point in the night they were making out in my kitchen and she grabbed me and told me he kisses a lot like me (that's a compliment). Toward the end of the night we were deciding who was crashing on my couch and who was OK to drive, and she informed me that she couldn't sleep in the living room alone with Clothespin (who was sleeping on one couch) and she had to sleep with us. I informed her that was a very silly excuse (he is harmless) and if she wanted to sleep with us she just had to ask.

I went back to the living room to tuck Clothespin in (I'm very maternal) and when I returned to my room they were both naked. My partner-in-crime immediately insisted I get naked and climb into bed with them. PSD is such a "nice guy" normally, so it is an incredible turn-on for me when he's so sexually assertive.

She didn't mention if he fucks like me, probably not since I don't have a cock...but she did mention that "ohmigod...it's sooooooo goooooooooooood" a few dozen times.

New Toy

My sister and I recently hosted a Passion Party. Oddly enough, our friends are as nuts as we are, especially when we feed them booze. All in all, it was a great night. I got to hang out with my mother and discuss G-spots with her. I also got to rub some tingly cream on my friend's clit and then we all took turns hitting one another with riding crops and paddles. Of course, we waited until my mother had left for that, she's not THAT liberal and I'm not THAT twisted.

Our representative said most of her parties' orders total $300-$400; our party's orders totaled $800+ before she left. And we got additional orders. We rock.

PSD likes incorporating toys in our sex life, so I had an idea of what I wanted to get us. A friend, years ago, had this cool contraption. I had seen it in the catalog at another party and decided it must be mine (and his). Our order came in last Thursday, Christmas Eve, just in time for our kid-free weekend. Being Jewish, we had nothing to open Christmas morning...except our new toy. Like the perverted children we are, we couldn't wait to rip the package open.

Let me take a moment to explain the Dark Knight (that's actually the name) to you. The description from their website says: Your superhero. Simultaneous scrotum, erection and clitoral stimulation. Multi-speed. Waterproof. Removable bullet. Three watch size batteries included. The bullet goes through the top so the whole thing vibrates. He slips it on like a cock ring, then pulls the second loop back over his balls. The top protrusion rubs your clit while that tiny one tickles your asshole.

He slipped it over his cock and started fucking me. At one point he asked me how it felt, I believe I moaned and smacked his ass. We did notice that it was even juicier than usual down there, indicating that my pussy was enjoying it, too. The protrusion was not enough to make me cum, but it got me close enough one quick flick of my wrist took care of it.

Our review: we like our new toy.

Later that afternoon I was in the shower and PSD was in the bathroom talking to me. That was when he told me that he hadn't used the ball holster (what else would you call it?) when we used it earlier. He became determined to use it as its fine creators intended, so he attempted it again. This time he was successful and told me, "Let's go...right now!" I barely had time to dry myself off, let alone get myself revved up. Is it weird that so many times in my life I have said, "Thank goodness for Astroglide" to myself?

His review: it wasn't that much different, even with the ball sling.

Amusing anecdote: as soon as he emptied those balls, it slipped right off and smacked me in the ass.

*sweeping the cobwebs up*

It's been awhile, I know.

In my last post, I had written about Preschool Dad. Fast forward ten months and we are still dating. Dating plus spending pretty much every waking moment together and most of our sleeping moments, too. I've been lazy, but in my defense, I have been very busy being happy and having a lot of extremely satisfying sex. Just being happy is a HUGE task, so don't judge me too harshly.

Most of my posts (had I written any) the past ten months would have nauseated you anyway. They would have had titles like "How PSD Told Me 'I Love You'" and "Fyre and PSD on Vacation!" I spared you readers the agony of retching while reading sweet tales of birthday surprises and mushy pillow talk.

So now I must rededicate this blog to my relationship. Yes, I said relationship...it took me many many many months to admit that is what this is. It will be damn near impossible to dedicate it to the usual topics as his is the only cock I'm getting (and I am not complaining). Unless you have an IQ under 25 or are tripping on serious amounts of acid, blank pink blog pages are no fun at all.

Having said that, I'm still me. I promise not to make it a blog full of posts titled "My Heart is So Full of Love Today" but rather "My Ass is So Sore Today!" Let's face it, PSD loves me, so he doesn't mind me sharing the really personal stuff...I think.

He read the blog before he fell in love, so he was warned.