You know what else really chafes my ass?

Again, I am working under an assumption here.

My assumption is this: we cheat because we are lacking something, some basic need is not being met and we seek that fulfillment elsewhere.  We can agree on this, correct?

I have seen this scenario time and time again, and it confounds the ever-living fuck out of me.  You're a married person lacking passion in your relationship...you meet a free-spirited singleton...an affair that defines to word passion ensues...you fall in love...singleton falls in love...you then begin trying to de-spirit the free-spirit to make them conform a little more to your world...WHAT?  Why, for fuck's sake, would you attempt to change them into the very thing you were trying to escape in the first place?

My ex had a girlfriend before we split up.  She was a few years younger than us, never married, no kids and anti-responsibility.  Her wardrobe varied from Old Navy chic to thrift store bohemian and she relished being a beach bum.  When I met her, I laughed at my ex-husband and said, "You fucking idiot...she's me, before you ruined me."

During our years together, he made it his mission to "toughen me up" by removing my rose-tinted glasses and showing me the bitter side of life (he never succeeded).  His other mission was to class me up; he hated the bohemian styles I favored in college, and constantly bought me new clothes.  I never even owned a designer purse before he bought me one, and he bought me several.  Amusingly enough, once we were married, his biggest complaint was that I was a "money-grubbing" bitch with expensive taste.

Much to my delight, he bought her a Coach purse a few months later.

Oh, self-fulfilling prophecies...how I love you so.

Unhappily Married vs. the Singleton

There are a lot of different reasons people cheat; among them are ego, loneliness, sexual gratification.

Regardless of why you cheat, there is one cardinal rule to follow.
Peanut Gallery: Don’t get caught?
OK, there are two rules to follow.

Writing this post, I am working under the assumption that anyone who reads my blog is not a Neanderthal with an inferiority complex who feels the need to bang hot brainless waitresses just for sport. If you are that type, none of this will compute...so close the window and go watch some girl on girl squirt porn instead. Go on, we won’t tell.

The other rule is pretty simple to remember: Marrieds stick with marrieds.

See, here’s the thing, no matter how empty your marriage is, no matter how much you despise one another, no matter how long it has been since you have had sex...until one of you cuts the cord, your heart is simply not your own to give away.

When you sleep with another married in the same loveless situation, you have an unspoken pact, a sort of honor among thieves. Neither of you is expecting the other to be your white knight, you understand one another’s limitations. While a single person may understand and appreciate these limitations, they also have expectations of their own and no limitations.

If you are a married, it is not fair to profess your love to a single. Let’s be honest with one another, if you were really going to go, you would have left already. And if you use that singleton as your excuse to jump ship, do you really want to drag someone you “love” into the whorling vortex of shit that is about to hit the fan?

I have experienced this situation from almost every angle. I have been married fucking married, I have been married fucking single and I have been single fucking married. And while no relationship ends without some hurt feelings, at least married on married has some damn empathy when it’s done.

So man up, even if you have a vagina, and do the right thing.

I am a Fucking Feminist!

I was taught that girls can do anything boys can do.
I was raised to believe that my XX chromosomes are not a handicap.
I have proven that a woman can kick some serious ass in a male-dominated field.

Do I consider myself a feminist?
Abso-fucking-lutely!

Women deserve the same recognition as men.
Women deserve the same pay as men.
Women deserve the same rights as men.
But we are not men.

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of feminism is "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." Excuse me, I do not see a goddamn thing in there about hairy armpits and man-bashing.

Wait a second, does this mean that I can show some cleavage, fuck like a siren and still be a feminist?
Yes I can!

I didn't see anything about the consensual sexual arena in that definition, did you? If I enjoy being tied up and spanked (and I do!) but deny myself that pleasure because it's somehow degrading to women, am I not being untrue to the principles of feminism? One of the founding principles of feminism is a woman's autonomy over her own body, including the right to cum any old way she sees fits.

Sexual roles are just that, roles. Playing Professor and Student does not automatically earn an honorary Ph.D. for one of us. One of the greatest achievements of feminism is our ability as women to ask for what we want in the bedroom. Because of feminism, we have earned the right to own our sexuality. To submit to someone's dominance, to revel in it, in a consensual sexual arena does not automatically make one spineless. I believe it makes one enlightened, self-aware and probably pretty damn sexually satisfied.

"If I choose to wax my pussy bald, it's not to conform to some misogynistic belief of what is sexy...it's because I love the way it feels when I fuck!" ~ Fyre, 2011

I have never viewed my femininity as a curse, more often than not, it's a blessing. Anyone who claims that women are the weaker sex has never benefited from the myriad of rewards a pretty smile can bring you.

Sweet Talker

PSD has a cold, no biggie but he's pretty run-down. Last night, we went to bed early, around 10 pm; when I offered a bedtime handjob, he declined. But at 2 in the morning, I got an unsolicited "my cock is awake even though the rest of me is not" fuck.

He just IM'd me to tell me he's feeling a lot better today, I asked what we were doing tonight.

PSD: Tonight Glee, study and R&R - with a little dirty playtime
Me: yes sir
PSD: And you have been a bad girl too.
Me: have I?
Me: are you sure you have the energy to prove that?
PSD: Enough to take care of you.
Me: are you sure?
Me: you'll probably have to tie me down to make sure
PSD: Oh yes
Me: I fucking love you
PSD: And I fucking love you too

*Edited to add:
Me: Happy 3 month anniversary!
PSD: Happy anniversary - last night I thought to myself that I have never gone to bed angry or upset with you.
Me: the same
PSD: I am so happy :)
Me: I am so happy too :)
PSD: And you will be even happier later *wink*
Me: Promise?
PSD: Yes
Me: whooohoooooo

Read above: Happily-in-love mushpot!

Performance vs. Passion

Male friend: Oh, I'd bang the hell out of her. She's such a spinner.

Me: But she doesn't seem like she'd be passionate.

Male friend: Huh?

Me: *sigh*

I would like to go on record as saying this: Sex is not only about technique.

If you don't know what I am talking about, I feel for you.

Think back on the best sexual experience you have ever had.

Did it seem as smooth as a carefully edited porno?
Or was it wild, crazy and a little bit sloppy?

God, I hope for your sake you picked the second one...if not, you are missing out. 

Perfection is never boring <@> (that is the Snark Mark, which indicates the prior comment was said sarcastically). Who wouldn't want a carefully scripted sexual encounter <@> (let's just assume that everything I say has a hint of snark and leave it at that)? It's so gratifying to know exactly what is coming, how you're supposed to react to it and how long it is going to last. Then you can practice your fake O face in front of the mirror in your free time.

I had sex with someone once, someone I had wanted to fuck for a long time. Afterward, I was gossiping with a girlfriend and she asked how it was. When I said it was good, she asked me "just good?" So I explained to her that technically I had been properly fucked...but there was no spark, no passion. Yes, he knew which hole to put it in, he knew exactly how hard to thrust, yes I got off and that was about it.

The difference between good sex and great sex is that spark. It is the difference between knowing exactly how hard to thrust and pushing it just a teensy bit further because you are lost in the sensations. It is the impulse to kiss, gnaw, bite, claw and wrap yourself around your partner. It is the difference between looking like a sweaty yet satisfied mess and looking like a perfectly coiffed yet bored to death porn star. It is the impulse to pull hair, smack asses and collapse into a completely satiated puddle at the end, screaming, "Fuck the dismount!"

That moment when you give yourself over to the feeling, when you stop worrying about how you look, if you're doing it right, what anyone thinks and you are just IN the moment...THAT is the passion I am talking about. 

Review: Climax Bursts Anal Lubricant

I had purchased a new anal toy (will review that once we have tried it) and figured I would get some lube designed for the situation.  I read some reviews (people do review lube) and settled on this one.  It has a nifty top that is very easy to open, even one-handed and very impossible to lose, even in the heat of the moment.  It's definitely an anal lube...we tried it once as a regular lube and my clit was just numb enough that it was impossible to cum.  Torturous!  But that slight numbing effect is great in an anal lube.  You can't feel the little Vitamin E beads bursting inside your ass, but it's slippery goodness in a phallic shaped bottle.

You know you want a bottle, so give it a try: Climax Bursts Anal Lube

(Unfortunately, I could not get Adam & Eve to pull up the product page for me to link to it, so I provided a link to the Amazon page.)

We should catch up!

Text Message
April 22, 2011 6:49 AM

Me: Statistically, any day that starts with anal sex is a good day. #justsaying
Male BFF: Statiscally speaking, seeing that anal constitutes 0.00671% of my sexual activity, I'd say it'd be a phenomenal day.
Me: I like your positive outlook!

Married life is good, thanks for asking.

What have we been up to?
The usual: being great parents, having sex as often as we can, working, hanging out with friends, school (finals are coming up), inadvertently picking up friend's girlfriends on swingers websites...nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm perusing profiles on sls.com and I come across a local couple with the intro:

Secure, committed couple..he with previous experience, her being new, but eager. Right now, we are just starting out and looking to play only with each other. We don't mind watching or being watched by others in the room, but no swapping right now. Finding a couple that is fun, sociable and that we get along with outside of the bedroom would be a big plus!

Some of the people on SLS are pushy, like "meet us this weekend" by the second message and when you don't respond they flood you with "still interested?" messages non-stop.  Anyone who has been with me since my AFF days knows I am not about the cheap hook-up, so I write to them:

Sorta new to this as well...looking more to meet same-minded friends than just hookup. Nice to see we're not the only ones. :-)

Two days later I get a message from one of my IRL friends on Facebook:

So, how do I put this....... on SLS.....is my girlfriend and I. And we so appreciate you writing and yes, is nice to see some people with a little different philosophy.

Hahahaha, only me.