Friday, August 1, 2014

Day 1: Seduction



Someone broke out all the stops.
I came out of the bathroom to music playing and a naked husband.

*insert va-va-voom music*

We always have good sex. It's not always mind-blowing but it's always good. If you think "Well duh, all sex is good," consider yourself lucky that you have never had not-good sex.

Well tonight was mind-blowing sex. Totally amazing, mind-blowing, I'm so glad we instigated this challenge sex.

Onward to the next 29 days!


Wahhhh!

Yeah yeah, I know.

So we initiated our own challenge (we never get sick of these): Thirty Days of Intimacy

We are going to set aside at least 15 minutes a day for an intimate act; the goal is intercourse, of course of course...but we understand some days we may to settle for making out or an old-fashioned hand job.

It begins tonight.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Is it me or my swinging dick?

Me: I have to work tomorrow
Me: but I will probably leave early
Me: we can clean the house up
Me: and fuck?
PSD: someone is in need of my swinging dick.
Me: maybe
Me: maybe I just need to feel close to you more than I need your cock
Me: you'll never know
Me: I am an enigma
PSD: either way you get what you want.
Me: I know

Friday, December 16, 2011

Advil PM Sex

Sounds sexy, right?
We go to bed early, on a night we have no responsibility (kids). Then we each pop an Advil PM and start going at it. While we're fucking, the Advil PM kicks in, but we're too worked up to notice. Then, after we both cum, we fall into the most peaceful post-orgasm Advil PM induced coma.
Best sleep ever.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Can you have ladylike orgasms?

What is "ladylike behavior?"

I burp...I fart...I talk with food in my mouth.
Some people are offended by this.
To each his or her own.

But I also speak my mind...I don't take shit from bullies...I stand up for what I believe in.
Some people are really offended by this.
Fuck them.

Perhaps being "ladylike" was held in high regard once upon a time, but so was owning slaves.
Women have come a long way since then: we can vote, we can head huge corporations...in some states we can even marry other women.

Women support themselves now.
Women support their children now.
Women even support their men now.

We have achieved equal rights in nearly every arena.
But are we still held to a double standard sexually?

I know there is an entire subculture of people who have issues with sexual relations outside marriage and for purposes other than procreation, I am not referring to them. I am talking about the rest of us: Sexually Healthy America.

Men still like to play with the whores (who doesn't?), but they don't only marry the angels.

If men only married virgins these days, there would be slim pickings out there. Science has proven that women are sexually dynamic creatures, rather than non-reactive, empty vessels designed just to carry fetuses...and we have embraced that notion. In a world that regards simplicity as a virtue, a woman who comes with a verbal instruction manual ("Touch it like this.") is a huge boon. One hundred years ago, we were still fighting for equal rights as citizens; nowadays studies are conducted at major universities, all over the world, just to find out more about our sexual needs. The word "orgasm" is no longer a dirty word, it's the golden ring prize in the sexual arena. Women don't have to suppress their sexuality to be worthy of love, sometimes they are loved for their sexuality. Without embracing our burning desire for sex, my darling husband and I never would have met. That doesn't cheapen our relationship, that honesty makes it stronger.

Can you even imagine living as people did, fifty years ago, unable to speak openly about what you enjoy in bed? Can you imagine saying "no" to someone you really like when you want to say "yes" with every fiber of your being...because of social norms? Can you imagine marrying someone before you have found out if you are even sexually compatible, because "ladies don't do that?"

Is ladylike behavior in danger of extinction or shall we redefine it to fit today's woman? Perhaps today's lady is someone who can conduct herself with dignity in public but is a master of dirty talk in private. Perhaps today's lady is someone full of honor and integrity in the workplace but is a vixen with a kinky streak in the bedroom.

How are you redefining ladylike behavior?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Mary Roach: 10 things you didn't know about orgasm



1.) You were having sex in the womb
2.) You don’t need genitals
3.) You can have them when you are dead
4.) Orgasm can cause bad breath
5.) Orgasm can cure hiccups
6.) Doctors once prescribed orgasm for fertility
7.) Pig farmers still prescribed orgasm for fertility
8.) Female animals are more fun than you think
9.) Studying human orgasm in a lab is not easy
10.) But it sure is entertaining

One of my favorite quotes from the whole book:
"Cheese crumbs spread before a pair of copulating rats will distract the female, but not the male."

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

My Horizontal Honeymoon and Another Tale of Woe...

Ahhh, my "Horizontal Honeymoon"...but it's not what you think.

We enjoyed the first three days of our honeymoon.  Drinking, fucking, seeing some amazing sights...and then that night, I fell and hit the base of my spine. We found out weeks later that I herniated three disks, tearing one of them.

All that planning!
Our dream trip!

I woke up later that night in such excruciating pain, I ended up blacking out twice before I could wake PSD and let him know what was going on. He was amazing, feeding me Advil and taking me swimming (a lot), being patient with my intolerable (at times) pain and still fucking me (gently) whenever we could. I didn't think it was possible to love him more, but I do!

And now my tale of woe:

The last day of May, my best friend killed himself.
He was my first boyfriend, the first one to feel me up, the first one to put his finger "in there" and after we got past the messy high school break-up, we stayed the best of friends. He was a sick, twisted, brilliant and sweet man...who remembers my vagina fondly.
BFF: You know, sometimes I know I love you as my oldest and dearest friend but sometimes I remember that you are responsible for most the grief and stress in my life!
ME: what did I do now?
BFF: If I had never found the biggest source of happiness and amusement in YOUR pants, I would have been much better off. It's as if you were the one who got me started on crack...so to speak!
BFF: If only you were a prude and not so lusty and good, my life might have been totally different!
BF: So just so u know, every time [girlfriend] drives me crazy with her shit, in the back of my head, I know it's your fault!
BFF: I probably could've gone well into my twenties content to pet the soft fuzz on top. But, hoo boy, once I found out how fun it is INSIDE, my life was totally wrecked and I blame you.
BFF: If you and PSD don't end up getting married, I reserve the right to turn your crotch into a museum!
BFF: You have great nipples!
ME: I know
BFF: Some of the first nipples I ever loved!
ME: they are the first ones you ever loved
BFF: Nope. Mom. But in a different way!
ME: LOL
BFF: If we voted on nipples, they'd probably be Most Popular Nipples of Class of 87-91
ME: excellent
BFF: Don't pout. Your vagina would've probably won Most Talented!
BFF: I think it was actually the unofficial mascot of Spring Break 89!
ME: Three words: Cat In Heat
ME: I am mid-cycle, during a full moon...and I was bored over the weekend, so I started reading some erotica short stories.
BFF: Is this the cat again?
ME: he can't read, nitwit
BFF: Ohh...so u mean you. And?
ME: just mentioning it
ME: I am SO SORE from the weekend, and still I want more
BFF: You need me to swing by there for a lunchtime threesome?
ME: you are so giving, but no...I just ate
BFF: So you just need a camerman for tonight?
ME: Hahahahaha
ME: we have a tripod
ME: you want to be my bestie, you have to listen to my exploits
BFF: Ahhh...so you just need audio...and quit calling him tripod. It'll only go to his head.
BFF: Just give me a heads up so I can shower and secure the car.
BFF: I'm a team player. I'm here to help.
ME: I know
BFF: I can throw PSD a Gatorade and a towel and sub in in case he needs a breather. I'll start stretching now.
ME: Awesome
BFF: Leave the door open. I'll be there around 6. I won't even wear pants.
BFF: I'll just show up with a condom and some lube.
BFF: I'm talking dirty Rueben love.
ME: like the sandwich?
BFF: Yes.
ME: so you're going to smear sauerkraut on me?
BFF: And melted Swiss.
ME: I don't like Swiss
BFF: Havarti?
ME: yes
BFF: Cool.
BFF: Sauerkraut, Havarti, condoms, lube...see u at 6.
So, two weeks before I left on my honeymoon, I had to board a plane to my best friend's funeral. I've lost my first love, a man whose love I never doubted and my soulmate.

So far, July has been a better month.